2Yr Old Wont Kiss or Cuddle with Daddy! HELP!!

Did he change his facial hair at all? I know my daughter wouldn't have anything to do with daddy when he grew out his beard. When he trimmed it down she was ok again.

Has anything negative happened between Dad and son? How does Dad discipline? How does Dad treat him in general? Is Dad a rough talker, a looming figure? Is Dad around for a few hours at a time and comfortable playing with him.

I've not seen or heard of this happening for a prolonged period at this age, tho some boys and girls both go thru a period of time when they don't want to be involved with the non-caretaking parent. There is the Oedipal phase, too, but I can't remember at what age this occurs. I thought it was older than 2; say around 5 and 6. Oedipal is when the child identifies with the parent of the opposite sex and pushes away the same sex parent.

I understand that his Dad feels hurt. Remind him it's not about him, unless the answers to any of the questions in my first paragraph are yes, except the last one. If Dad doesn't frequently spend calm and quiet time interacting with your little one without expecting anything from him, the little one is likely not comfortable with him.

I suggest that your son may be increasing his protest in louder ways because he feels forced to hug and kiss. I highly recommend that you and your husband relax, not try to get him to hug and kiss or even pay attention to your husband. Your son feels the tension and he's not old enough to understand his feelings. It's normal to pull away when one is uncomfortable. At 2, he's also becoming more independent and he doesn't want to be forced to do anything.

As you've found out, you cannot force him to show affection. You can let him know by words and actions that it's OK if he doesn't want to be cuddled by Daddy. You and Dad cuddle with yourselves without expecting him to join in and I suspect he'll come around in his own time.

Do you remember the joke about how animals, cats especially, will rub on the legs of someone who doesn't want the attention and ignore the person trying to get the cat's attention? This situation may be something like that.

My daughter totally did this right at 2 for about 3 - 5 months. She is just asserting herself and showing us she can make decisions etc. She would tell daddy that she only loves mommy, she wanted mommy to change her diaper or mommy to do the bath. It was really annoying to be honest because I was "doing everything". My husband is the same as yours gone most of the day at work - gets home right before bed time etc. We have a nanny and I work from home so I can interact during the day at some times. Anyhow - we finally flipped the switch when I had stuff going on for a couple days in a row and was not home - daddy was the only option. She had no issues with him when I was not there. Anyow now its a revolving door of who she likes, some days me, some days only daddy, some days she does not like either of us and wants only the nanny or a random neighbor that she doesn't even know. That one is the best - she has litterally just waved to this lady but for some reason he name is in her head and she will tell us she wants "Carmen" to put her to bed. Don't stress - I am very surprised none of your friends have ever gone through this - all of my friends have at some point.

Sounds like my son. He has always been momma's boy. He didn't want to have anything to so with Daddy. I couldn't even leave him with Daddy to run to the store. He would cry so much that he would make himself ill. My husband tried not to push him, even though I know it hurt his feelings. By the time he was 4 he started wanting to spend more time with Daddy and wanting more hugs and kisses with daddy. Now he is 6 and still prefers mommy but now enjoys time with daddy. It gets better. I know how hard it is for both parents, him never wanting daddy never gives you a break. Just have patience it does get better.

My daughter has these same tendencies. She really only likes being close to me and her little brother and lets very few other people touch her. Her father and I have been working hard to strengthen their relationship because for a while she wanted nothing to do with him.

Things that work:
Dad being around more and spending more time with her. Daddy playtime etc.
Never forcing her father on her. He follows her lead, if she wants a hug or play physically like horseplay he responds but does not push it on her.
Daddy doing more of the care taking really seems to help. Making meals, reading stories, etc.

My best guess is it's a typical developmental stage - both of my 8YO twin girls went through an "I want MOMMY" stage that left my husband feeling like chopped liver, but they got over it. There's SO much growth and change going on in those 2YO brains that I think sometimes it just becomes "too much information" for them to handle and something that to us seems like a little thing ("Give Daddy a hug") is enough to trigger a meltdown. When our girls were that age, even the time of day and location would affect how they reacted to people (our joke was "Church people are scary after 6 p.m." because the same people that they would be happy and playful around Sunday mornings after church would cause them to flee in terror if they came over to our house for dinner!

Maybe instead of asking for hugs, your husband could try doing something that you know would interest your son (I dunno, play with Thomas trains or something) and let your son approach him at his own speed instead of having your husband say "come play with Daddy"? Another typical toddler thing is wanting to assert more independence and doing things on their terms, and maybe your son would feel more positive about "Daddy time" if he felt that *he* was initiating it instead of Daddy?

I work with children in my professional life, besides being a mom. What I have noticed is that it is not uncommon for kids this age to respond this way when an adult is forceful (not intentionally) vs. following the child's cue. His father may have been raised in an environment where adults played roughly with kids & just moved toward them when the adult chose to. A lot of adults will also try to force kids to kiss & hug when they don't want to. This disregards the child's boundaries. Later in life your child will need these boundaries to make relationship decisions. Should he feel smothered and dissassociate or protest because he had no choice but accept the affection or should his feelings be respected? The more aggressive style of interaction loses sight of the child's need and emotional state. Encourage dad to follow his son's lead & approach him more gently. It might be a foreign concept at first for dad, at first, but will likely increase your son's comfort level & responsiveness. R., LCSW & mom of 4

Your son isn't going to grow out of this if his father isn't spending quality time with his son. Your husband's not stepping up to the plate on being a father here, and he has brought all of this on himself. Don't blame the kid if he doesn't want a stranger to cuddle him. That's who dad's being, if he doesn't spend any quality time with his son. He's a stranger, period. Dad needs to grow up and not let his little feelings be hurt if a kid he doesn't spend time with doesn't want anything to do with him. Change his actions first and then his son will change, but not until dad changes.

How about your husband taking your son to a swim class on Saturday mornings? Or something else where the two of them do something alone. It's really important for them to build a relationship, even if it's only two hours on Saturday morning.

I'd also start having dad supervise bath time. My hubby isn't home much either, but he has always bathed my daughter, and when I had my son 7 months ago, he took over taking her to swim. They have a terrific relationship, and I really think that 15 minutes of quality time during bath daily has helped.

I would suggest daddy pretending he is little again and get on the floor and play with him and bring out the toys he likes. If daddy has to take the toys out and play by himself for a few minutes his son will come and play with him. He does not trust him for some reason and needs to regain his trust. Look at what a cat does if you chase the cat he runs and hides you leave him alone he comes around.

Good luck daddy.

N. Marie

I know LOTS of kids who did some odd love one but not both parent phase around the 2 yr old mark. they all outgrew it. Must be something in their development where they think that two yesses is an option but has to be an either or.

Maybe you could try some reverse psychology. "DO NOT!!!! hug your dad! I'm going to turn my back to pick up such and such, and while I'm not looking, DO N-O-T hug your dad!"

If that doesn't work, I'd ignore it while repeating over and over "it's not personal" and it will disappear as mysteriously as it came. (I'm assuming the other interactions between the two is healthy and still the same.)

Kids go through some really odd phases. It wasn't the first and won't be the last.

BOTH my kids went through the same thing, and at 2 years old. A few months later, they wanted nothing to do with me and only wanted to be with their dad. It's most likely a phase--and it's a completely normal one, although I know it can be hard on the parents. If you and his dad do your best to not turn the behavior into a big deal, your son will probably move on from this phase pretty quickly (what you want to avoid if at all possible, is making it a big deal and exacerbating the negative association). And I'm surprised your friends said they haven't seen this, because this is really common! I've seen it a lot at this stage of development (I used to work in early child education).