22 Month Old Likes to Hurt Me

Updated on August 06, 2009
A.K. asks from South San Francisco, CA
9 answers

I am at my wits end. My daughter (22 months) thinks it’s funny to hurt me. This has been going on for a year and is just getting worse. It’s actually the reason we weaned from the breast at 10 months. She would bite down (actually made me bleed) and then giggle her little but off when I would shout in pain. Now a year later she still thinks it’s hilarious when I’m hurt. She’ll hit, bite, pinch and scratch me just to get a reaction. I always tell her no and to stop and that she’s hurting mommy (all in a stern voice – no smiling) but she just laughs. I put her in time outs (2-3 minutes) and when I sit her down she looks guilty, like she knows she’s done something wrong but it doesn’t sink in. It’s worse on the bus when we come into the city since I can’t put her in a time out and walk away. She doesn't do this to anyone at daycare or to her father or othe family members, just me.

Any advice on discipline or just general support would be appreciated.

Thank you,

A.

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V.K.

answers from Sacramento on

My daughter has been doing the same thing for about 2 years now (she's 2 1/2) and I am there with you where I am at my wits end. I have tried everything that is listed below but the one thing that seemed to do it was being very stern, putting her in her room til she stopped crying and was ready to say she was sorry and then taking her juice away for the rest of the day (only milk or water). She hasn't bitten me since and is starting to listen when I threaten to take the juice away again. I would try something similar to that. Take something that they like to eat or drink but don't "need" and take that away.

Good Luck,

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D.M.

answers from San Francisco on

My little boy who is coming up on 2 1/2 occasionally hits or pinches and my husband and I have a multi-tiered approach. We grab his hand/s quite firmly and equally firmly say, 'No hitting' or pinching or whatever. We make him apologize and say what he's apologizing for - so it's not just an empty 'sorry' that you see so many kids do and we know that he knows what he's done wrong. If he repeats the behavior then there are consequences. For instance, if we're painting then all painting stops and we explain to him that if he misbehaves while we're painting then there won't be any more painting and we matter of factly just put the activity away. He sometimes gets quite upset particularly if the consequece is ending something he loves like swimming or leaving the park but he gets it and knows he's done wrong. We use this type of punishment for most things - not just pinching and hitting and I must say that we have one of the most beautifully behaved toddlers I've ever met. He knows what is expected of him; he knows there are consistent consequences for his actions and he knows that it is his choice as to whether he follows our rules or chooses to accept the consequences.

I hope that helps. It's just our way but it does seem to work.
All the best. D.

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M.L.

answers from Redding on

She is old enough to know what she is doing is not wanted. I wouldn't say a thing, but just walk away and ignore her. I this approach doesn't work it may be time to do as I did with my son. I told him if he bites me I'm going to "slap in like a mosquito". He only did it twice.
It seems your daughter is behaving this way to get your reaction so you either need to respond as little as possible or respond in a way she definitely does not like.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.D.

answers from San Francisco on

Ouch! My son occasionally hurts me and laughs, but not often. I have done the same thing back to him (within reason) and then I told him how that hurts mommy too, just like he hurt me. this kind of evolved into a "bite - no hurt" and "pinch - no hurt" (his words). In other words, I showed him how to touch me gently and we have fun with it.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.H.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi A.,
Oh, this does not sound like fun! You might check w/ your pediatrician. At the end of a well check appointment I was asking a lot of sleep questions. I guess the dr. needed to get going, so she referred me to a behaviorist. Turns out this behaviorist has all kinds of knowledge, not just sleep issues. My insurance is with Kaiser and I think I just paid the regular $25 copay to see her. We had a free phone f/u and free email follow ups. Might be worth asking your pediatrician. I'd emphasize that it's been going on quite sometime in order to get a referral. Best of luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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J.L.

answers from San Francisco on

my son started being like this with me. i have yet to curb the behavior, but i finally told him that i was going to leave his presence for 30 minutes (to cool myself off, this really irritates me) the first time this happens when i'm with him. i tried the, "that hurts mommy, i don't like that." i tried the, "do you like it when people hit you?" maybe he's destined to be a physical comedian on saturday night live, i have no idea.

anyway, telling him i'd remove myself for an extended time seemed to sink in a little more. he hit me today and i gave him a glare and he immediately apologized and gave me a kiss in the area he hit. he did the same when he grabbed me and pinched me by accident. the pinch was more out of exuberance in trying to see something around my legs, but it still hurt!

i have seen people put their kids in a modified "time out" in public places. they turn the kid so they cannot see the parent and hold them there for some amount of time. i don't know how effective it is, but i've seen it.

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M.R.

answers from San Francisco on

I haven't had this issue, but my husband kind of has. When my 2 year old hurts daddy, he "scream" out in pain, and to a 2 year old, that's funny. It only takes once and then it's a fun game, not hurting. My MIL once gently pinched my son back after he pinched her and he turned to me and was so shocked, he started crying (I was sitting right next to them when this took place, so it was literally a gental pinch).
There's a few books on the market that are for that age that teach no hitting, biting, etc (I got 2 at Barnes and Noble). Try saying no hitting and walk away, but not making a big deal about it only because she might like the attention she gets from you talling her no).

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A.V.

answers from San Francisco on

That is how my first son stopped breast feeding. He would give me a quick look, chop down with his teeth and then I would hold his head to my chest (that is what I read to do to get them to let go) and then he would laugh like he was at a comedy show. Well that comedy show ended soon enough! Not funny for me! I think your daughter just wants attention. I am sure that is all you give her but they want MORE! When she does that ask her...Would you like Mommy to play with you, how about we sit down and read a book together, you could play thumb war or hand games on the bus...Also you can ask her "If you want my attention you can ask me with your words." My younger son gets peoples attention by poking them or doing strange things. My sister in law who has no kids was shocked when he poked her in the tummy, all he wanted was her attention and to play. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful
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H.D.

answers from Redding on

Thats sucks. I feel for you, it's so hard to get angry at your own baby, but when it hurts like that, you can't help it. Stay Strong. It will pass.

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