Hi Mamas,
My 21 month old has been a serious booger lately. I know part of it is the age, and the emerging independence and all that, but lately he's really hard to deal with. Normally he's a very easygoing guy. He has been hitting us, throwing toys, throwing food, throwing tantrums, and just generally been very unhappy with everyone and everything. We do use time-outs for the hitting and the like, and when he throws his food we get him out of his chair and have him "help" us clean it up, so it's not as if we are letting his behaviour go unnoticed, but I would really like to get to the root of the problem. I think part of it may be that he is bored and maybe needs more interaction with other children . . . could this be part of it? If so, what are some CHEAP ways to get him around others? We do get out a lot, and I make sure we spend plenty of time outside on walks and playing in the backyard with the dogs, but maybe he needs more? Also . . . the drool department has really kicked up lately. He has all of his teeth except for his two year molars . . . is it possible at his age for them to be coming in?
I have been additionally trying to reward his good behaviour, i.e., if he gets through a meal WITHOUT throwing, he gets a sticker, which he loves. I am then sure to point it out frequently to remind him how he earned it.
*Thanks to Jenna for pointing out I didn't mention his sleep, as I know sleep can often be linked to issues . . . he is a great sleeper; 11-12 hours straight through at night and a very reliable 3 hour nap during the day, so I don't think this is contributing.
Any ideas? Advice?
I MISS MY HAPPY BOY.
~J.
Thanks so much for all of your replies . . . I think the most helpful thing has been to realize that my son is normal! and that this is a very typical thing at his age. I was worried there was something wrong with him or me or my parenting. I gave him so Motrin and that actually seemed to help, so maybe we are dealing with molars. Also, I got him to the park and around some other little ones. We are trying to work through his most frusterated moments. We are seeing small improvements!!
Thanks all!!
J.
It sure sounds like you're doing everything 'right'. :-) I bet he's cutting those 2 yr. molars. I notice a significant change in my daughters behavior when she's teething. She's cutting her canine teeth right now & has been a total pill all week. Hopefully in a couple of weeks your son will be back to his normal self.
i'm going thru the same thing with my lil boy who will be 2 in may. he's normally very easygoing, but lately has been exhibiting the same behaviors you are experiencing.
i too think it may be a lack of stimulation (he is cared for by my husband's mom and even though he is there with his cousin who is the same age he easily overpowers his cousin so theres no healthy challenge/stimulation). she tries to stimulate them but she's older and my son alone is a handful so i know its not exactly "cutting it". a bit of it i think is also because my son has older cousins ages 9-14 (that are in my mother in law's house often because they are the older siblings of the cousin my son's age) and they influence him (and their lil brother) to hit/play fight because its cute, not realizing that they're making him pick up bad habits. (no matter how much i try to tell them that.)
we are thinking about putting him into daycare/school in the fall where he can be challenged mentally and learn how to act around kids other than his cousin. we shall see.
and i'm not sure about the drool thing, but my son is more of a drooler now too. constantly has his hands in his mouth and he likes to play with his spit...like intentionally let the spit slide out of his mouth.
i have no idea if this post was of any help...but i just wanted to respond cuz i'm going thru something similar even if i don't have any true advice.
rah
Sounds like you are already doing a great job and have good ideas about what is causing the behavior. I've only been through the 21 month marker once, but it was rough (I have twins coming up on it - augh!). For my son, interacting with other kids helped him out a lot. He became profoundly bored at home and with our usual activities. 21 months is the perfect age to get involved with playgroups or mom groups. I joined a moms group when my son was over 2 and found there were a huge amount of mothers with kids around 20 months. These groups often just meet at play areas so there is either no cost or an event is minimal cost. My son did get his two year old molars when he was only 19 months. They were very painful for him and he was very difficult to be around. So yes, it could be molars. The only other idea is to see whether he's getting enough sleep. My children are especially difficult if they are light on sleep one day.
I forgot to mention another idea. My son was a late talker. At 21 months, he was difficult because of his lack of ability to communicate well with us. As he began to talk
more and communicate better, life became easier. Good luck!
Hi J.,
I'm a true believer in reward AND punishment. I feel that sometimes just using "time-outs" and picking up after their own mess is not enough. Some people may not agree with me, but a little swat on the back of the hand helps. Not hard at all. Just hard enough for them to feel a little sting right after they did their misdeed and tell them why they got the little swat. They'll remember the little sting and next time you can give him a warning. If he doesn't listen, you need to follow through the another little swat.
I have 3 boys (ages 12, 10 and 6) and they've all gotten the "little swat" on the back of their hands and sometimes on their little behind. Of course they're all too old for that now.
Good luck.
Hi J....
It's been awhile since my two were 21 months; however, it does sound like the molars are affecting his behavior and knowing that he can't tell you he hurts, his actions are speaking for him. Try the baby version of ambesol. I used to use that on my kids teeth breaking through years and that helped. Another thing is that I would wash the car keys, since they use to love chewing on that, and let them bite on it. What that did was help break the teeth through the gums much faster. Can't do much for the drooling and runny nose as that all comes with those years.
It just takes patients at this point. Don't stop the discipline even through these times.
I went to college for Early chlildhood education-definitely normal behavior. He is starting to show his indendence and trying to show some control over his situations, testing his limits. Unfortuantely, it is through throwing, hitting etc. It is hard for them to put their wants and needs into words which frustrates them, causing the outburst. Help build his vocab by continously verbalizing his feelings (I see it makes you mad when your tower falls over)so he can start to learn what to say.
When he acts out inappropriately, move him to another situation. If he throws blocks, tell him he can't play with blocks because they are not for throwing and move him to a different toy. If he's sitting on your lap and hits, tell him he can't sit with you if he is hitting. Explain everything to him and redirect. A time out at this age is not necessarily effective.
Get involved with a local mom's club or MOPS group to be around other children. Gymboree is great too but pricey. At around 2 years, they do what is called parallel play (playing side by side children while not directly interacting). The children learn by watching how others play and act socially. This type of play sets the child up for the next stages of play, pretend play (age 3)and collaborative play (age 4).
Signing him up for day care will only increase the problem. First, by separating you two and taking him out of a loving, home environment. Secondly, the behavior of children in full-time daycare often sways to the negative side. Imagine 12 1-2 year olds fighting, hitting, tantrums, etc. Not too mention the exposure to biting and all the other illnesses that float around.
It is a rough stage that will pass. Watch for the molars too, maybe try some oragel or tylenol to see if that helps his mood, then you will know it's teething.
Good luck and be patient.
This was like reading about my son at this age. He would look at me, smile and then toss the food off of his tray. He was and still is quite a "booger" as you so nicely put it (I had other names for it that I kept to myself). For my son...he needs something to keep him busy all the time but on the upside he is very intelligent and picks up on everything. I would suggest joining a local playgroup and getting him around other children. It's so beneficial to get them socialized and I wish I would have started mine once he began running (he skipped walking...went from holding onto things for balance to running). I think he walked for a day and after that he just ran. I am baffled by these kids because I can go into a waiting room and see a child the same age as mine just sitting there all quiet and mine is wanting to help the employees make copies and staple things while discussing why they are doing what they are copying and stapling. Luckily he's adorable and they enjoy having him. I don't think I gave you any major advice but I can completely understand where you are coming from. Best wishes to both of us.
