20 Month Old Screaming/throwing Tantrums

I don't have experience with this, but it sounds like there's a LOT going on in the house and it might be too overwhelming for him. I'd let the potty training go. Check out love and logic for the tantrums. He's getting to the age where he's trying to be his own person and kids have VERY little control. The more they THINK they have, the better they feel. The tools of Love and Logic may help a lot with building the relationship with the new baby as well.

I got a twin mattress on the floor for my son, as he was a long time nursing and it was more comfortable for me to comfort him when he needed (room on the mattress in case I conked out LOL). That may help - he'll have a big kid bed, but not far to roll out of it.

Good luck and congratulations!

With all that going on the potty training should be the last thing you're worrying about at the moment. Give up on it till after the new baby has come and any jealousy that might show up has disappeared.
My philosophy with temper tantrums is that they are a behaviour that should be disciplined just as you would if the child threw a toy, swore at you, kicked you or any other behaviour you are trying to discourage.
My daughter was around the same age when she tried to throw her first fit. With no warning I picked her up, put her in her crib and she had a 1 minute time out (with little ones like that the door is open and I stay just out of sight at the door). After that, because she was still nursing at that age, I nursed her, calmed her down and we moved on. I stressed at the time, although I'm sure she didn't understand, and I continue to stress now (my daughter is now 7) that it's okay to be mad but it is not okay to throw fits, etc. She never had another fit after that. I suppose it was shock value, but that's what I was going for.
Use whatever discipline method you have in place with your child and get those tantrums stopped. They just get worse as the child gets older, especially if you give in to them.
If you can get the tantrums stopped before baby that's ideal because it would allow you to make the transition to toddler bed before the new baby comes. If not however, I would try to leave the crib in his room if you can.
One option would be to actually put both a bed/mattress and the crib in his room and let him decide where to sleep. He may decide he likes the big boy bed better and move there all on his own, giving you the freedom to take down the crib.
With a new baby you can buy yourself a few months with a bassinette or pack and play with the bassinette option but at some point you will need a crib and the transition to the big bed will be unavoidable.
Anyway I hope some of that helps! Good luck!

Ok I just went thru this similuar situation. We just had our second daugther in September and my other daygther turned two October 2nd. The tantums stopped after about a month and she went back to her reuglar self. We also were potty training at the time. It had to stop, just because it would not work during this difficult time. You just have to work thru it. What we did is time out and put her in a place where she could have her tantum and not get hurt. Explain when you put him down when you calm down mommy will be here and then we will talk.... It worked for us. Just push thru at moments I thought I would lose my mind but it passed. As far as taking the crib away and doing the big boy bed. I dont reccommed doing that until after the baby comes, he might feel anger to the baby because they have his crib... Just a thought we are not moving our daugther in for another month or so she has been really well with her sister they get along great...
we just now are having issues with bed time but are working thru them.
It is alll a matter of patience and pushing thru.. good luck w your new addition and your son. I am sure this will pass

Welcome to the world of the terrible twos lol. I would stop the potty training for a while boys take longer then girls anyway. as far as the bed thing goes try a novelty bed like a race car asap. Keep telling him he's a big boy now. Also try buying a bassinet for your new baby, and put the crib away for awhile, so he won't feel like the baby is taking away his things. When you do pull the old crib out again spruce it up with different mobiles ect. so it will look as different as possible. Starting this as soon as possible will be more helpful. I hope this helps you. Good Luck!!
C. M.

Whew you have your hands full. I know where you are coming from and hope I can help a little bit. Our third and forth daughters are very close in age - only 15 months apart. Right now they are 19 months and 4 months. There have been NO issues with jealousy - thankfully. She loves her baby sister, kisses her, likes to throw away wet diapers and be a 'big helped' though I make sure the tasks are teeny-tiny - like "please bring mommy the binky", etc. This has kept her from feeling jealous with the new baby. Plus I try and and spend as much time as I can just cuddling with her (the 19 month old), especially while baby sleeps.

Honestly we tried to 'rush' a lot of things before our newest addition was born. We kept trying to short cut things - for example; we tried to push the 'big sister' out of her crib and into a twin sized bed. DIDN'T WORK. She was in tears - wouldn't stay still, wouldn't lay down, wouldn't stay in bed, etc - which meant I was in tears! lol So back to the crib she went - we ended up picking up a cute crib from walmart for $100 that she now sleeps in with NO problem! She loves it in there. We 'thought' she would be old enough to go to a big girl bed because our oldest daughter went out of a crib at 15 months, never having any issues with getting out of bed or not wanting to go to sleep. it goes to show that every child is different! This lil lady will be in her crib for as long as possible - mainly for my sanity. Things are SO hectic with another little baby in the house - the last thing I need is to chase a toddler through the house for an hour til she finally conks out each night! I would just stick with getting another crib - used perhaps to save money - give the baby the 'nicer crib' and the toddler the other one. We chose to give our toddler the nicer matress though -since she weighs more than the baby. ;0)

Also, I would totally forget potty training for a while. With our first dd we tried and tried and tried to get it done 'early'. The more we pushed the more she refused. Finally we left the potty seat sitting in the living room - where she could see it, but I never mentioned it again. I had enough. All of a sudden about a week later she wanted to do it all by herself. So before she was 3 she was going to the potty every time - by herself - NO fussing at all. I would just put in on the back burner for now. The less stress in your life right now the better!

As far as trantrums go - ugh. We are dealing with that right now too with our 19 month old. "tis the season' so to speak with this age range. Its NO fun at all. For any of us. Even her 4 yr old big sister gets fed up with it. lol Anyway. This past week I have tried something that is working wonderfully for our family. I went out and picked out a good treat for her. I picked those pastel colored after dinner type mints - that kind of melt in your mouth. You could use something like m&m's if you would like - our dd can't have chocolate because she has a heart defect - so I had to choose something else. Anyway. Pick up some type of little special treat your little one might enjoy. Come home, put it in a see through jar and explain to him that these are treats for when he listens to mommy! Make it sound playful and fun. We spend some time each night - with our children - playing a listening game. For example; we will start with our 4 yr old by saying her name, followed by..."will you please pick up your baby doll off the floor and put her in the toy room" - she responds with a cheerful, "yes mommy/daddy" - runs and puts the toy away and returns to have her special treat (reeces pieces). Then I do the same thing with our toddler. Hers are very easy things like "please bring mommy your juice cup" or "please come sit down next to daddy" or "can you please bring us that book on the floor" - if she does it to the best of her ability then she gets a treat! Her listening (first time around) has improved GREATLY. This girl used to scream at the top of her lungs over everything and was very strong willed...but slowly she is coming around to being a good listener and NOT screaming! So nice. Another example for us is when its time to come inside, after playing in teh yard - normally a good time to throw a massive fit. We like to get eye level with your her - talk very quietly, but still firmly and say something like "we do not act like this. it is time to go in now. if you would like to have a special treat then you need to hold hands and come in" - now instead of her massive fit throwing she holds my hand and comes in, right away -with no fussing!!! It really is going great. We still have our moments - but it is getting better. ;0) So I would think about trying this. I will admit it takes TIME and attention to get the results you are wanting - but it is SO worth it! When your son does a good job with listening the first time - or only throws half of a fit compaired to normal - PRAISE HIM LIKE CRAZY!!! He will eat up that good attention! And will want to do it again and again. ;0)

Good luck. Hope things start to smooth out for you soon - and congrats with the baby on the way! So exciting.

God bless,
Kelly

Patricia below gave good solid advice.

If he is fine in the crib... then let him sleep there. Or, segue him to a mattress on the floor. That is less intimidating than a bed, bed.
And with that, there are different expectations, once a child goes to a "big kid" bed... so be very careful and thoughtful of that. When there are TOO many "expectations" upon a child... when they are not ready, it will be hell for them and very difficult.

From what I know, when there is a new baby coming... the "expectations" a parent has UPON the eldest child... changes. The expectations becoming more and not necessarily age appropriate nor in line with the child's readiness nor ability. THUS... this puts a great deal of STRESS upon the existing child. Not always fairly. Remember, a young child has very little shoulders... they simply cannot carry all that stress/burden upon their shoulders. Thus, not coping well.
"Expectations" of a parent, upon the existing child... has to change according to the child's maturity and ability... not just because there is a new baby coming into the home. If too many expectations, and suddenly, just because of a new baby... it will not be easy, for the eldest child. Thus they act out.

I would, just kick back with the potty training.
"Regression" in a child, signals stress in a child or inability to cope. Do not punish/scold for this... they are only coping in a way that a baby/child knows... they do not have the sophistication to reason it out, in light of their emotions.
ALSO, "emotions" at this age is NOT fully developed yet. Thus they act out and cannot categorize their feelings nor sort it out or understand the full abstractness of it. Yet. Your baby is ONLY 20 months old. He is dealing with a lot right now... and with his Mommy changing... for baby. Not him. In a child's mind... this is how they feel. And your body and appearances are changed too... and what not. A child feels all of this.

Help him to communicate BEFORE baby comes... teach him the words for feelings... and that it is "okay" to feel sad or grumpy... but you are both a TEAM... and you will always help him, not just put "expectations" ON him. That is a lot of pressure. AND, at his age, on the cusp of 2 years old... they undergo a TON of changes physically and cognitively... and it is NOT easy for them... plus HE has the additional issue of a baby coming. HE is having a baby too. Not easy. So try to give him sympathy.. understanding.

When I was pregnant with my 2nd child... I spent a TON of time, on my first child, prepping HER for the baby. I spent lots of time talking with her about it, taking photos with her and my growing tummy every month, I let her talk to my tummy and hug it, we shopped together for "big sister" things and for her baby brother, I took her to all my prenatal appointments which the Doctor encouraged and he even taught her how to place the heart doppler device on my tummy to hear the heartbeat. I basically spent lots of time prepping her... so she felt "at home" with the process of me being pregnant and HER being INCLUDED in it... and a part of me. I also told her that after baby is born... that he will cry and need to nurse. But its okay... that is Mommy's "job." She can help me love him. But that SHE is my 1st baby.... and always will be, and I love her for that. She is special to me.
So, with all of the prepping I did with my daughter while pregnant... it really helped in the process of during the pregnancy and after baby came home. She adjusted better. I really just everyday, spent time with her.. and my growing tummy... and it made her feel secure.

If you can... let him sleep the way he is secure with. Giving the crib to baby, "his" crib... can be unnerving for a child. They can feel pushed aside. AND... that their things are not theirs. I even would explain, before I had my 2nd child... that my daughter's things were HERS... that I understood that... and did not expect her to give or share everything... a toddler needs to know this. Their things are like their territory... and even simple things like that can upset them. So, my daughter would choose which things of hers, she'd share and which one's were too "special" to share. It gave her control over it... over her life. A compromise... instead of everything being just for baby.

Anyway, sorry for rambling, but just some things I did.

All the best,
Susan