20 Month Old Climbing on & Hitting dog....how Do I Do a Time Out?

When time outs in the chair didn't work, and standing against the wall wouldn't work we would put up the baby gate, and make them go in their room for two minutes each time. It worked great, and we never had to do more than two time outs a day.

You may have to hold him there until he realizes that he needs to stay put. If you end up doing that, don't interact with him. Don't look at him, don't talk to him. Pretty soon he'll get it.

Hi L., I am a breeder and would like to offer you the advice I give my new puppy families.

When the child is getting too physical with the pooch, you should go over and talk to him about how glad you are that he is playing with the dog, but let's do it "nice & gentle". Then you can demonstrate how to stroke the dog on the head & back, maybe take your son's hand & do it for him, and when he does, PRAISE your son for being such a good friend to his doggie.

This way, he is getting the attention he is craving, and learning appropriate behavior at the same time. With repetition, this is something that you can do without being right there with him... when you see your son doing good petting, you can praise him from the next room "Sam, what a good friend you are being, I bet Fido really likes that!" and continue the positive reinforcement.

Please feel free to contact me further. Remember, training tips are given because they are successful 90% of the time, but almost every situation will require some 'tweaking' here & there. The important thing is to make the experience positive so you have something to praise, rather than constant punishment, from which the child cannot/does not learn how to act appropriately.

T. Ragatz
Oluchi Rhodesians
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www.oluchirr.homestead.com
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Milwaukee, WI

You may want to move the time-out to his room (hold the door if you have to), or do the sit him in your lap technique: hold him firmly but do not interact with him until the timer goes off.

My sister uses the "spend some time in your room" time-out with her 2 yr old who will not sit still for a time out.

What we have been doing with my son is to tell him, "We don't hit the dog, please pat him gently." When we started doing this, around the same age as yours, we also showed him what gently meant every single time we told him (took about a zillion repetitions for him to get it).

It's important to use the positive language, not just the negative language when correcting them. They actually do not hear negatives. When you say "Don't slam the door" they block out "don't" and hear you say "slam the door". The mental picture they get in their head is one of a door slamming. When you say "Shut the door gently/quietly" they get a mental picture of just that.

Plus telling them what they DO need to do is so much more helpful towards getting the desired behavior than not adding that step in to the correction process.

I have seen amazing results with my own son (now 2 1/2) over the past year and a half, and now my sister is beginnning to use the same idea with her own son (3 months younger) with terrific results. (P.S. Using all that positive language and eliminating a lot of the "bad" "naughty" and "no" "don't" words from our vocabulary reduces our stress levels too!)

If you decide to try this, let me know how it works- when I first heard of the technique, I though NO WAY is this going to work- but it did.

I think what's really imperative to stress with your son is that he could get seriously hurt or worse by the dog, and if that happens the dog will have to be sent away and/or destroyed. Say "James, if you keep hurting the dog, and the dog gets mad, he will have to go away forever."

Your son needs to understand that all animals are unpredictible and could turn at anytime...even your beloved pet. As mean as it may seem to do, you need to tell him the brutal and honest truth about what your dog or any animal is capable of doing and what the ultimate outcome for both he and the dog will be if it comes to the worse case scenario...ie. surgery, shots, and/or the dog being put to sleep.

Time outs are good and fine, but if he's not understanding the reason behind them, he's going to keep misbehaving. What's worse is you don't want him to establish a level of comfort with animals to the point where he might do this with a friend's dog, or a strange pet on the street and heaven forbid, get hurt or worse.

I know you don't want to scare him, but it's soo important that he learn now that animals are powerful and sometimes dangerous. He needs to understand how to respect their space.

I unfortunately had to get rid of one of our dogs for this very reason. Our littlest kept stepping on her tail by accident and would always hop on her back and pull her ears thinking it was fun and games. One day she turned on him but before she could lunge on him, her son (a 9mos old lab puppy at the time) leaped between her and my son and wound up in a terrible bloody fight.

During the row I was able to get our son out of the way, and eventually, the puppy was able to get his own mother to back down. We took her out of the home immediately. It was absolutely heartbreaking for all, as the kids were very attached to her and bewildered by her sudden change in personality. She was always very loving and never behaved this way before. But we feel fortunate that our littlest was not hurt because of the courageous intervention by our younger dog. All I can stress is that we were very blessed that the puppy was able to subdue his own mother!

Have you tried removing the dog from the situation (kennel, tie-out, closed in other room, gated off, etc)? If he is turning this into a game or using it to get attention from you, just cut him off at the pass.

In terms of the time outs, have you read/watched 1-2-3 Magic? It is great. Other resources have also stated that with kids this age, ANY attention is attention to them - positive or negative attention. So if it is that much work to get him to stay in the chair, you might be reinforcing his bad behavior inadvertently by your attempts. I put my 3 yr-old in her room, and if she doesn't stay it's door closed and one more minute to her time. No emotion, no talking; she knows the rules. Don't know if that would work at that age or not.

I think my daughter also went through a phase of pulling/probing on our dog, and along with the things you're saying, I also mentioned: You're making the dog sad, Do you hear the noise he's making it's not a happy noise, See his tail go between his legs, See how he's trying to get away from you he doesn't want to be by you. That made her sad and hurt her feelings that he didn't want to be by her, and I'd suggest she give him a treat or get his toy to play w/him, just to give her a active yet constructive way to interact w/the dog.

Good luck, I think this is typical of kids and dogs.

Don't give up. We just went through using time outs with my now 2 year old and started at around 20 months as well. He did almost exactly as you describe with the moving, laughing etc until he understood. Continue to use a calm but firm voice and stay close enough to put him immediately back -- don't let his feet even hit the floor but we also ignored him (no excess talking or eye contact beyond reinforcing the time out). We had to move him to a chair as the couch gave him too much room to "wiggle", and at first it took many tries and seemed to "get worse" with the laughing and immediately returning to the behavior after the time out, but stick with it--- I think he is "checking" what this means and I think my son really wished it was a game instead and tried to make it one. He now understands much better the time out and it is effective often by just stating "if you do that again you will get a time out" and giving him another "choice" of a good behavior he could do instead. We actually had to sit and hold him for a couple of time outs until we found a chair that worked, and we always stay close enough to not let him get down (chasing would be wonderful reinforcement for my son ;) however we don't pay attention to him until his time out is over. It's tough, but worth it.

Good luck
T.

Hi L., I don't think your son is too young to understand time outs. My daughter is 21 months and I have been giving her time outs for about 3 months now and she responds well to them. I think the key is being consistant and firm. You said you are being stern and not giggling so that is good.

For my daughters "time outs" I actually call it the naughty chair. I have one chair specifically designated for just this occasion. It is around the corner out of direct eye sight from the kitchen (where I usually am) but I can see if she gets up. but she can't really see me. She knows that this is her spot if she is naughty. When she does something naughty I give her a warning that if she does it again she is going to the naughty chair. Sounds like you are doing the same. Then if she does it again, I don't explain anythign else to her, I just say NAUGHTY CHAIR, pick her up very emotionlessly, place her on the chair and walk out of the room. (Again, I can see if she gets up, but she really can't see me)
My daughter clings to me like glue normally and i think the worst punishment for her is to get no reaction, no emotion, nothing from me.
After the minute or so is up, then I go in there and kneel down and tell her - I put you on the naughty chair because you (insert naughty behavior). You need to tell mom that you are sorry. Then I tell her - hug it out, kisses too, be good! ANd she smiles and jumps down and all is usually pretty good.

My daughter usually does not get up before I go get her, but in the beginning she did a few times and I just picked her up, no words exchanged, and placed her back in the chair.

I know that you are saying you use a stern voice, but toddlers sometimes think that ANY reaction is like a game. So i think the least amount of talkign and reaction and emotion you can give him until his one minute is up, the better. It takes some patience, and since he is already in the habit of getting up it might take a bit more on your part.
Good luck - this age is so precious, but I am finding it can also be very trying!

L.,

With a child that little, if you want to do time outs, you need something to keep him in place. Get a booster seat with buckles and put him in there. Or put him in an empty pack and play. Be careful with using the one he eats or sleeps in, it may give it a negative association, but not necessarily.

Time outs only work because children like attention and a true time out means they don't get any. When I hear parents say that "time outs don't work" it's usually because their child tends to get more attention from them during the time out. Either they are trying to get their child to stay in place or they feel guilty because time out upsets their child and they spend the whole time out time talking to them, reassuring them, explaining why they are there. It backfires.

If you want to do time out, put him somewhere he can't get out of. As you are walking over there, say something brief and easy to understand and remember. "No hitting the dog." Not a word more. Put him in and walk away so he can't see or hear you. Don't come back until time out is over. In another year when he is old enough to understand (and if it is still an issue) extend the time outs so that they don't officially start until he is sitting quietly. If he is throwing a fit, wait to start the timer until he is done. 1 minute per year of age is the standard recommendation.

Honestly, I wouldn't start time out until age 2 - 2 1/2. I think in this situation, distraction or removing the dog to another room might be more effective. With my first two, I overused time out and it loses it's effectiveness. With my third, I figured out that prevention, redirection, loss of priveledges and other natural consequences were often more appropriate so when I used time out, it was much more effective.

Good luck,
S.

L., no 20 months is not too young to start training, in fact we should train from infancy , but i know you mentioned you threatened him with a time, out, dont threaten, do it, if you say something follow through with it, it will help in consistancy, make your yes mean yes and your no , no, this helped me and my 3 boys, also a time out for a young guy like him should only be a little bit, he does not need 10 minutes, just simply remove him and sit him somewhere helps a big deal, dont make it a game, when he gets up , go ahead and let him, and what you are saying is good too, they say give them 1 minute for every year they are, so he gets a little less than a minute, and stay there and watch him, when time is up , let him go, my kids used to argue when i would send them to their rooms, i finally said, if you dont go to your room, how can i let you out, they would go and ask can i come out and i said yes, it worked, cause all i needed was a brief breather, so time out or discipline does not have to be harsh, or long, at his age i think removing him from area is good, and no threats, if you say you are gonna do it , do it, if he hits the dog once, i would do what you do, if he needs longer time out , stand there with him and or sit with him and hold him, then say ok you can get up if you dont hit the doggie, it seems like you got it handled, keep being the good mom you are, and dont allow hitting, enjoy life and have a good day , D. s

Put him in a play pen in a room that you can shut the door and turn off the light. Don't go get him until he stops pitching a fit. He will be mad and he won't like it, but he will know that you mean business and he will quit. The first time is a doozy and it may take quite awhile for him to calm down, be patient and ride it out. If you go in before he is done he will think that if he tells Momma he is mad enough he will get out and the next time will be worse.

Hi L.,
I've been doing "time-outs" with my son since he was about 17 months old. It seemed early to try this, but I read about a modified version in Parents, or some other parenting magazine. Since my son was (and still is at 19 months) not really able to understand the entire thing, such as sitting in one spot for one minute, I used this modified approach. I give my son three strikes (aka warnings) before time out, and then if he continues his behavior, I tell him he is going to be in time out for whatever particular reason it is, pick him up, put him on a little stool away from his toys, and hold him in a sitting position at his waist while looking away from him and count to 60. I'll be honest, I usually only make it to 45, but it seems to be effective. When it's all over, I repeat the reason why he was in time out, then ask for an apology. Since he really doesn't get this either, I usually settle for a hug. Obviously, as I said before, he doesn't really understand entirely, but it's a good start and it really does work to decrease bad behaviors! Basically you're showing your little man who's boss, and that IS important, especially at this stage.
Good luck,
Amy

We have been using time outs for several months now (our son will be two next week) and they work well -- most of the time.

What we've done from the beginning is count for time-outs. At this age we've found that our son does not have a concept of time so "1 min" doesn't register. However if we say he has to sit for "20 seconds" and then stand (at a little distance) and count to 20 he'll sit. We initally started at "10 seconds". A nice side effect of this method is that it has helped him learn to count too.

We have encountered those time (and still do) when he either won't go to his chair or he won't stay in it and then he goes in his crib. If he goes in the crib we walk out of the room and generally there is crying/screaming. Our rule is that he doesn't come out of the crib until he "calms" down.

Also, if there is ever a hitting or other incident where our son has "hurt" someone else we ALWAYS make him go back and say sorry (even to stuffed toys) and most often he gives the person, animal or whatever a hug.

Hope this helps!

I think timeouts are appropriate for a 20 month old.When putting him in time outs you need to put him there and when putting him there tell him why you are putting him there and make sure you have his attention and make eye contact.

My son is 2 1/2 and he started hitting us and the dog around 18 months. We started restraining him, by holding his hand and telling him that hitting was a big no-no. We would hold his arm until he would calm down, then we would let him go. He still hits at times, but not as much as he used to. I agree that you just have to pick the punishment and be consistant. Eventually they will all grow out of it. :)

Hi, L.! This is something you'll want to address asap because of the possibility of him treating someone else's dog like this; you don't want him to get bitten AND it's a good thing to learn some respect for other living beings. I suggest you put him in timeout somewhere he really doesn't want to be. When my kids were that age, time out was a place they couldn't get out of, like their room. No toys, no games, nothing to distract them or entertain them. Five minutes of nothing to do really sucks. I would stand there and watch too. It will probably take a few times but it's necessary for his safety and your peace of mind. You simply say, "No hitting; that hurts." Then you pick him up and take him to the designated time out place, set him down and say, "You will stay here for five minutes because you are being mean to (the dog). He loves you and you hit him. You cannot be mean to (the dog)." Then you shut the door and time five minutes. You may lessen the time if you see it's working. Gradually, you'll see that all you have to say is, "Remember where you go if you're mean to (the dog)?" He should play nice. Expect a little setback now and then, but don't ever let up. It's for his own good. As he gets older, the hitting should stop simply because he'll see how much fun it is to play and not hit. Good luck and keep us posted.

Not sure on this but here goes:
Maybe his actions are partly his trying to get your attention and it does work he gets then undivided attention. But his humour about it as you say is also a game probably. So what might help is finding a game that is much more interesting than the dog to play with. I am surprised you have a 120 Lb dog wit a small child but it must be well trained or a docile breed that the child gets away with that behaviour repeatedly. Just maybe you could bath the dog in a food scent that the child prefers to stay away from but consult a vetinarian first!

Try teaching him how to be gentle. Show him how you want him to handle the dog. I agree... this is not acceptable, especially for safety reasons when he encounters other dogs which you are uncertain as to their temperments.
I alway made it a rule to be gentle to animals and showed them how to handle them "softly" by showing them on a stuffed animal and on the pet themself. You are probably right... he may not understand why he can't touch the dog... maybe he just needs some direction on how to handle the dog. Plus the change in direction/approach might be good. But be consistent!

Hello, sounds like you've gotten some great advice! Maybe you could also change the time-out location or take away a favorite toy until lunch time, after nap, etc.

I would also involve your son in positive behavior with your dog. Let him help take your dog for walks, give him treats, dinner, water, vet visits - make him "your little helper". Also encourage nice behavior with your dog - show him how to pet nicely, give nice hugs and then reward your son w/a BIG hug! Teach help how to play fetch, games, etc. That's awesome you are working with your son, after all pets are important members of the family, too - good luck!

We had 4 cats when our daughter was born, so I know what you mean about being gentle with pets.
We showed her how to be gentle with the cats (or the ones that were brave enough to be around her, LOL). We did this by taking her hand & petting the cats while saying "gentle". We'd show her not gentle on a stuffed animal.
20 mos is a little young to understand that he is hurting the dog. Thank goodness your dog is a gentle one. I would show him how to be gentle & with stuff animals/dolls show what could happen if a dog did get mad at him (he would be the doll).
We did time-out on the stairs & I'd sit with her. She had to keep her head down & her hands folded in her lap & no talking. Talking or moving started the timer all over again.

Good luck!!

I agree with positive reinforcement & setting a good example. It is never too young to start setting a good example. When I was pregnant, I worried about how my daughter & dog would get along, but I showed her every day from the very beginning how to be nice & to pet the dog gently. I think it worked, because she is now almost 3, loves the dog & is almost always gentle with her (and vice-versa). Occasionally I have to remind her, but I know how much she picks up from my every action, so I always show the dog affection every day in front of her & praise her when she does the same. The same can be carried over into other areas, like being nice to other children & just being respectful in general. It is truly amazing how much toddlers pick up from us by just our every day actions. Actions really do speak louder than words, and I think positive reinforcement goes a lot farther than negative. Good luck!

as many minutes as their age is supposed to be appropriate. for a time-out length I mean.

If I said to you, "whatever you do, don't think about purple pansies and grapefruit juice," wouldn't you be sitting there imagine purple pansies and grapefruit juice?

Our little kids are that way; when we phrase something in the negative they tune out the "don't" or "never" and instead hear the "hit" and "climb." As others have suggested, showing him the right way to pet is going to be more effective.

I like to use baby sign language, too - "gentle" is usually shown by gently petting your hand. That helps them get a feel for it themselves, and they can practice gentle before applying it to the dog.

On the time outs, keep practicing, but also think about distracting/redirecting sometimes when he gets too rough. You get the same result (that is, he stops hitting the dog for a while) but without the stress on you of the timeout.