1St Birthday Regrets :(

Never feel bad, if you want to do things different.
We have always done things different,kids really don't care.
We didn't have kids for their 1. B. party.
When they get older and they will tell you, " but mom, so and so had her lips pierced at age 12.........
my kids know my answer. I don't care what other people do with their kids.Enjoy the first party,I still like to see the tapes from 16 years ago,cake all smeared all over the face.............

I had only family over for my daughters 1st birthday and don't regret anything. It was small but very personal and she loved every minute of it. This should be a fun celebration so don't stress so much and everything will work out wonderfully.

I have a lot of family that live near us so parties are always like 20 people with just family. The only kids at my son's 1st birthday were my 2 nephews and a couple of my friends with kids. I have no regrets, it just depends on the guest list that you choose and can accomodate.

Girl, you gotta get some confidence! Why does it matter what other parents are doing? Do what YOU want to do. Do one year olds even have friends? Do you remember your 1st birthday?

he's 1! he won't even remember! don't be so hard on yourself. if you want something else to do with him that's more kid friendly, take him to a new mall play area that morning or afternoon.

seriously, parties for 1 year olds are very over-rated. you'll have plenty or years to go overboard on parties. ;)

Totally agree with Erika. Keep it simple. He won't know the difference. Why put yourself under the stress to live up to the expectations of others?

No, its not bad. He is 1! Family is who is most important in his life right now...makes sense to me that you have chosen to celebrate with them. That's how we have always done it too, I think its wonderful...don't beat yourself up about it...life is too short...there will be plenty of time for B-day parties w/friends!

Karma
Worry-Wort
Stress Case

No, not at all. We have ALL of our bday parties with just family. My oldest is 12yo and no complaints, they know no other way. As far as a 1st bday party. He is only 1yo. He will not know or care (well he'll care about his family).

Mother of 4

I just want to say that I have never even had a party for any of my 7 children's first birthdays, and none of them seem to be suffering ill effects from it. They don't really interact with friends at this age anyway, so having other kids, especially a lot of them, can be overwhelming for them. You have no reason to feel guilty, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Birthday parties are not a basic need. I let my kids have a "friend" party every few years, and the off years, we just do family. I think they actually appreciate it more, because it's a little more of a novelty. Don't give yourself guilt trips over what other parents are doing. You can always find someone to compare yourself to that will leave you feeling you come up short, so it's best to not even go there. If your child is healthy and happy with what you are doing, then who cares what everyone else is doing?!

I am not now or ever have been a huge fan of bit 1st bdays, to me that is a special family thing. we only do friends and stuff for special ones, like five, ten, 13 after that the special is the golden if it falls after the first three bdays, i.e. one dd is the 2nd we didn't make a big deal...I feel bad my girls who tured four and five in Jan have yet to have their party...with Christmas and sickness it has been put on hold till the middle of feb. I think your fine and like someone else said to heck with what ppl think.

I once read somewhere that you should have as many people at the birthday party as they are old.Really it just means that the party should be small when they are little. We had way too many people at our twins first birthday party. Our daughter cried almost the entire party. The actual day of their birthday we had my parents over for pizza and cake and it was perfect. The kids had fun!
Oh, and if you start to have parties with alot of people,you feel like you have to keep inviting them . You will have way too many toys and regret it when they get bigger. Trust me :) Congrats to you, Mommy! Have a great time whatever you decide!

Whether you have a party or not for your one-year-old, he won't really remember it a month later. Parties for such young kids are really more for the parents. So do what you and your family will most enjoy to commemmorate this wonderful milestone, and don't stress about it.

You'll do your son a much happier service by being clear, intentional, and sane. It's frankly a little bit crazy to try to keep up with what other families are doing.

Relax! Enjoy! Congratulations!

I never gave my kids a "friend" birthday party until they were 5 years old. Before that, it was just family (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents), which in itself was about 20 people if they all came.

he's only 1, he won't remember it in the long run, and to be honest, he will most likely be more comfortable with a small crowd of people he's familiar with!
happy 1st anniversary on parenthood!

For my son's 1st birthday, we had as much family as could come (meaning grandparents and aunts and uncles). We only had two friends over: my husband's best friend (along with wife and kid) and my best friend (with her son).

Although they each happened to have a kid, and my young nephew was over too - actually having kids over was the last thing on our minds. Our son was only one, and wouldn't remember it, and was more excited about Grandma and Grandpa, cake, and presents than he was about the other kids (who were all sad they didn't have wrapping paper to open!).

So if you don't have other kids over, it is completely okay! This birthday is special, and if you want to share it with your family, go for it! The first birthday is more for the parents and guests, anyway. :-)

God bless, and congratulations!
M. D

You know what, I had a big party with lots of kids for my daughters first birthday. It was a lot of fun, but I think we were lucky that we didn't have any meltdowns. Considering nap times and what food babies of various ages can/will eat, kids not getting along etc, it would be much easier to just have family over. As long as you have those wonderful cake face pictures for your child to look back on I'm sure your son won't mind :)

Well My first child a little girl I am feeling the same way. I work full time and she stays with my husnbands mother. She has not had an oppurtunity to meet any kids. So our party Feb 19 is going to be the same. But I think it will be ok until she gets older, but I am in the same boat as you..,. V.

Oh my!! Don't be so hard on yourself!!! As long as you do celebrate it in some way, take pics of him with cake all over himself and a present, it won't matter if there are 5 or 50 people at his party.

For my son's first birthday, my Mom, my neighbor, her 1y old, my 1 yr old, and me, went to Chuck E. Cheeses. That was it, just the 5 of us, but that was okay. We had pizza, and cake, took pics, and the kids got to play on the toys.

Have fun, and enjoy the day.
M.

I agree at that age he will not remember. We had a big party family and friends over for our oldest daughters first birthday. She slept through the most of the party. Most had left by the time she woke up so few had the huge cake we had also purchased!

Keep it small! It is really for the family moreso.

My childrens' 1st birthday was also with the family. A child's 1st birthday is very special to each member of the family, so I just bwanted to share it with them. You don't need to feel bad about sharing it with just the family. There will plenty of time to share your childrens' birthdays with other children.
P. S

DO. NOT. FEEL. BAD.

one year olds do NOT know what a birthday party is. i promise. the only reason you feel bad is because of what other people will think of you, which is a trap we all fall into. there is zero chance of your son even caring. the only reason you're stressing this (very wise) decision is because- society, "they", your friends/family, whoever, is putting pressure on you to spend a ridiculous amount of money throwing a party for someone who has no clue. save your money for when he will actually get it and enjoy it. he will be happy to have familiar faces around making a fuss. but i bet he'll enjoy ten or fifteen more than twenty or thirty.

He will not remember this at all , probably won't even remember the 2nd birthday either....age 4 is when they usually start paying an interest in birthdays so do it with other kids then...it really is not worth stressing yourself over , enjoy his special day with family

Do not worryt about this at all. I had family only parties for my son's first and second year parties (he turned 2 in Nov). However, with my family and my sister's two children, we still had close to 10 people the first year. For the second year party we did invite his closest playmate and her parents but had more family so we had just over 15 people. He loved both parties. At this age, the parties are more for the parents as the kids don't really understand what is going on and are not going to "miss" someone if they are not there. Do what you feel is best and you can blow it out with little children for the 2nd or 3rd year parties.

That is what our family has always done. It never made for any regrets on the part of anyone. There was more bonding with family members who lived out of town. The children had extremely happy first birthdays because there was so much joy shown among the adults and older cousins for being able to get together and being able to lavish love and attention to the one-year-old. In fact, we didn't have other children join in the partying until our children each started preschool. At that time, they were allowed to choose who they wanted to attend. Our oldest son says that was the beginning of his learning to choose his friends wisely, and he thinks that helped him choose his friends in high school. He stayed away from the little ones who broke toys, and he stayed away from the bigger kids who were unkind. He has ended up with a bunch of really great friends (and we have their parents as friends) who are kind, gentle, thoughtful, wonderful people.

Don't feel guilty about having a small party. After all, a majority of adults grew up having family birthday parties. In this era of overconsumption, its easy to get caught up in giving big parties. I am like you...I am trying REALLY hard not to get caught up in the hype, but its hard.

I read in an Atlanta parent magazine last year of a child whose parents alternated her birthdays every year (one year was a big party with friends, the next year was a party with family only). She is a teenager now and has fonder memories of the smaller family birthdays (surprising, huh?). It kind of makes sense, though. Your family, the people that love you most, give you unlimited specialized attention on YOUR day. It makes any kid feel loved.

I would rather have them value family as more important than having an elaborate party. Any parent will secretly tell you that these large parties are exhausting to organize and expensive. I have a good friend with three children. Last year she was three months behind in giving parties for her kids. She does not look forward to it.

My husband and I have decided to alternate years between family only and larger parties with kids included until age 8-9. From that point on, my son can have a couple of kids spend the night for his birthday.

I've looked at our baby pictures recently (I have a twin brother)and I look more fondly on our first birthday picture with our parents and grandparents than at our three year birthday surrounded by eight kids I don't remember.

Be proud of your family party! We are having one in March for our son.

Why anyone would want to have a houseful of children to watch after when the focus should be on your baby's VERY FIRST birthday is beyond me! I really think the majority of people have only family for this birthday. I think dinner and toys (and a little cake that he can pick up himself -- keep the camera ready!) sounds wonderful. Do what you want and try not to be influenced by what others are saying they are doing. Save the theatrics for when he's turning 8 or so...maybe a pirates theme??? Enjoy and congratulations!
M.

That's what we did for both of ours. one year parties really are no big deal. They are only a year old , it's not like they can play games etc. Heck he may need a nap after all that hoopla with just family.

I would urge you to stick with your plan. Just because everyone else is going crazy with birthday parties doesn't mean you have to. What benefit would there be in having a bunch of other kids? It's not like your son is going to know. If you stick with just the people you want to have, you can be more relaxed and truly focus on enjoying the day with your son. If you bring in a lot of extra guests, especially other children, the day will quickly become about them and you will have to be focused on keeping everyone happy and entertained. I think that first birthday, with presents and first cake, etc., is enough over-stimulation for most one-year-olds. Keeping it small with just family and sticking as close as possible to normal eating and sleeping schedule worked great for our family -- even with twins :). Have fun!

I wouldn't worry about it. I've had parties with kids and people for both of my sons, but I know a lot of people who don't. Remember -your child is NOT going to remember his 1st birthday! A lot of people ALWAYS keep birthday celebrations among family, so do whatever you want to do. Take lots of pictures -that's what your child will see in the future, and as long as he's having fun (which he will) -it will be a great day!

Don't feel bad, if your son seemed to have fun then thats all that mattered and plus you have years of birthday parties to come

We had only family and a few friends. No regrets. They will not remember this birthday. Do not feel bad. You are fine.

Oh, please don't be hard on yourself. Your son won't remember anything. Just have a blast of a birthday party when he can remember, around five years old. I had a bouncie party for my daughter's second party with a ton of kids. Due to finances, on her third party I had one girl come over and we went to a bouncey place. I have no regrets. You do what you do and what you can afford. I say be proud of yourself and you should feel blessed that you will have family there. That's all that matters. Have a blast and take a lot of pictures, because your son won't remember squat.

I was in the same situation, but don't feel bad. Kid's at this age don't remember anything and why put them thru the misery of all the chaos....it is not worth it. The 1st birthday is more for the parents than the kid. You are doing the right thing...spending it with the people who mean the most. My husband and I have decided not to have any birthday parties till our kids turn 3.

We did both our girls' first birthdays with just family and a few close friends. I think it was nice for us and for our families to have a small and more focused party. My oldest daughter is turning three in March and we'll have her first "kid" party for her now that she can better enjoy it. Younger kids really get overwhelmed with big parties, so I am big advocate of the family only kind until they get old enough to both understand and enjoy it better. Whatever you decide will be the right choice, because it's your child=)

My son's first bday is in March, too, and I'm still not sure what to do. All of my fam is in NY and we live in Chicago and none of my friends have kids. We are going to take him to Springfield where I have some friends and give him a lil celebrations. I think that we, as moms, shouldn't beat ourselves up too much over the 1st birthday because there are going to be soo many in the future that they will actually remember. I think this 1st bday is mainly for us to celebrate! I'm sure it'll turn out great!

I really feel it's best to just have family and keep it low key for the 1st birthday. They get so overwhelmed at that age, that it's recommended to keep it simple. Even with that said, when my 6 year old turned 1, I had just a simple family party and she had a major melt down by cake time. When my 9 month old celebrates her 1st, I'm going to put her in the cutest birthday outfit and hat, take tons of pics and keep it a simple family affair again. At least if she has a melt down, I simply tuck her into her crib and visit with the family. Hope you son has a wonderful 1st!

T.

You have many years of birthdays to come. He's turning one and will be happy just to see a cake and have a candle to blow out. Celebrating with family is great for the first 3-4 years or until he starts to make friends. Once he's in daycare or pre-k, you will start to have parties for him at school and the parties will only get bigger and more expensive from that point. Simple is best for now.

Enjoy your son's first birthday any way you and your husband want to celebrate. This birthday is more for your parents and you two to reminisce, remembering the joys of having him in your family. Be sure to take a video of his hands in the cake and his reactions to the cake, candle and gifts. All of you, including your son, will laugh at this video in later years. For the next 17 years you will have the pleasure of sharing his birthdays with his friends. Always take pictures or video. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you and your son.

He doesn't even have the mental capacity to know the difference. In latin cultures the first birthday is for the mothers. A way of honoring getting through the first year. You'll have enough parties to look forward to with a gaggle of little ones.... enjoy the calm before the birthday storms!

I did the "Chucky E.Cheese party for number one! Boy how do you top that? I wish I would have kept the party small for the first few years like I had when I was young. At one it's SO overwhelming having so many friends around. Just family is fine, it will be great.
Best Regards,
C.

NO REGRETS! We had our sons first birthday with only family (In-laws etc). It was great and fun and special! When I grew up we celebrated our birthdays with just family (no in-laws - Just parents and siblings)..I didn't have any complaints. I did have one suprise birthday when I was 12 where my parent sinvited my entire class. That was fun as I was old enough to really enjoy it. Have fun!