19 Month Old with Severe Separation Anxiety

Has she had any illness prior to this? Any medications or vaccinations, change of diet? She is still in the same room she has always been in with the same sleeping conditions?

Hello J.,
My daughter wasn't a great sleeper until 11 months and then full nights of sleep started happening. Just when we got use to it she turned 18 months everything changed. I do not know what it is, but almost everyone I know has had weeks to months of sleep issues around 18 months.
my daughter has, for the most part, been easy to put down. Once she became attached to her bunny I would give her that, tell her it's night night, kiss her and to sleep she went. So when she would wake up at night we would pick her up, give her a kiss, tell her it's night night and back down. If she cried we would do it again. We didn't give her very much snuggle time or anything at 3am. It took about 4 days, once we started doing this to get her to a point where we could let her cry it out and it would only be 30ish minutes. My husband and I were both very consistent and she quickly learned that it wasn't going to be a big deal when she woke up, either positive or negative.
Best of luck
C.

Hello J.

Hopefully you get some great answers or your daughter just gets out of this cycle naturally. I would be happy to look at her psychically if you want. i am an MFT Therapist who is also someone who reads the energy system to see what is going on in the inner and outer experience of a child (or adult). I have been doing this for 21 years and you can find me in mamasource under Trust the Children. Blessings with your little sunshine girl

A., licensed MFT
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I agree with kate. Sounds like she might be in pain.
Have her checked out.

The thing that seems very likely is schedule problems. Once he switched to 1 nap (@ 18 mos) he was very tired, one nap wasn't enough but 2 naps didn't work. And he started taking naps on a mat at daycare on the group's schedule. Whereas before he was in a baby class taking naps on the schedule I determined. As a result, he was frequently overtired. I moved his bedtime up 1/2 an hour, and that helped.

CIO worked with my toddler to a certain extent, but he has always been very dependent on a consistent schedule--keeping him up late one night and we'd have to start from the beginning with sleep training. Now, he is able to really get worked up so that he can't relax on his own. I've been tring working with him on ways to relax his body. I hold him with his ear against my chest and say deep breath and then demonstrate deep calming breaths. After a minute he will start doing it with me.

our son went through this crazy phase of crying out in hysteria around 22 months. it lasted about 6 months and then stopped just as suddenly.

we tried crying it out, but it was as if he was too old to buy it. we had cried it out to sleep train him earlier, and he was fine then. this time, no go.

we ended up just checking on him periodically until he calmed down enough to sleep. we're not really sure what it was, but it was easier to check on him and calm him down than to deal with the crying.

maybe you can ask her if she's scared of something? the ear infection could also be possible. we had our son checked out too.

We were just going through the same thing with our 21-month-old daughter this past week, minus the waking in the middle of the night crying (it happened, but not for hours on end). For over a year our daughter went down easily for naps and nighttime, and slept great. All of a sudden, resistance during nap time and all-out breakdown at bedtime. I noticed she was taking an hour or more to fall asleep for her nap, and then only with assistance, so I moved her nap later by 1.5 hrs yesterday. Like magic, no resistance at naptime (she went right to sleep on her own) and an actual smile and kiss at bedtime! She just needed a later nap, and my putting her down too early delayed naptime even more, which made her overtired at bedtime. I hope your solution is that simple!

J.

Hello J.: As the mother of 5 and now the Grandmother of 5 I have been there and proudly wear the tshirt that says I survived.
I just wanted to give you some ideas that are different than those already given. On a survey that was taken several years ago by Mr. Bill Cosby, the question was asked of 4 year olds why they don't like going to bed. Then the common answers were 1. I get lonely 2. might miss something 3 just to quiet. Recently in Parenting magazine the same kind of question was asked of 4 year olds and guess what the answers were nearly the same.
We have tried many things but the things that worked were:
1. using a fan for white noise 2. we use music everything from Disney movie themes, instrumental, and hymns this has been something we start about a hour before bedtime so they get used to the idea that bedtime is near at hand. 3. bath time before bed 4. I will sit and read out loud what ever I am reading; scriptures, Louis L'aMoure's great western, or Victoria Holt mystery, my school books. The differance of reading my book instead of childrens books is that - when a person reads a children book they change their body language and voice and with a regular book you read and can do it quietly and steady and get them to relax & it doesn't matter the words. Now we have a 2 year old that wants a TV on when she goes to bed, so I will put on the weather channel (not so that she can see TV) but hears the man's voice and she thinks he is talking to her and she relaxes and settles down.
The screaming, power struggle, the heartbreaking yelling is so hard on both parent and child.
I would encourage you to have your child's ears checked by an ENT doctor. We were nearly evicted once from an apt from our child that screamed at night-- infact I drove from Hayward Ca to Sacramento and back ( which took about 4 hours ) with a child crying-- when I took him to the ER for help they started to discount my concerns until an abused child came in that had only cried for 2 hours and the parents couldn't take it.--- what was wrong? His tubes were deformed andhad sealed in a manner that only hurt when he laid down on the left side. It seems that he knew it was going to hurt and that was why he cried to not go to bed. After 2 surgeries later he was just fine and settled right down after that. So it is worth having checked out.
Just remind your little one how special she is and how lucky you are to have her. I hope that you find a solution and that you get to enjoy the rest of your adventures of parenthood because this is just a taste of what is to come. I has been my greatest joy. Nana G

This doesn't sound like separation anxiety, is it happening when sleep is not involved? The first thing I thought of was an ear infection -- it gets much much worse when laying down, and there have been times when that was my only clue that one of the kids was sick. Take her temp, watch her eating, and maybe some other subtle clues you may be missing. You can try elevating her head in the crib, or bring her to the doc to check it out.

Have her ears checked ASAP. Earache/infection pain is worst when the child is lying down.
Another thought is careful consideration of any change or major event that might have occurred to spur this behavior. Perhaps you need to spend more time with her, cuddling/snuggling/etc., before her sleep times while she is going through this.
It is so difficult to deal with this and it is compounded by everyone's lack of sleep.

Best of luck, let us know what works.

GL

I'm wondering if there is an emotional trigger that happened in her environment last week. Perhaps you or someone around you got upset by some event or relationship to another. For instance if you don't remember having an upset, then perhaps someone you know (or calls you to talk) had a traumatic or angry event happen. IF this is the case, the little ones are very sensitive to this, they can feel what's going on, they don't need words to know. But words can help heal the trauma from this in her. Talk with her even if she doesn't have all the words and reassure her that:

"the people I am interacting with are learning in their own ways and I am doing my best to assist them. It does no good for me to be upset about what others are going through because then I am not in an empowered state to help them or myself. I strive to find a way to look at this situation from a different perspective, one that helps me and them feel more at peace and more free and empowered. I want to find a way that will help, not just to agree to complain about a situation. Maybe you my sweet daughter can help me in some way. I know you are much more spirit than just this little bundle of love, you have much more energy than can fit inside your body at this particular moment, and perhaps the larger part of you could go and assist the larger part of me and the larger part of the other people that I deal with in order to help the smaller parts see the bigger and grander scheme of things. You don't have to know how to do that, it's all going to be ok and you can just let it happen. It will when you are ready to let go of that which no longer serves your highest good. I love you dearly! I will always be right here with you looking after you, and I know you will always be with me and all the angels are here for both of us. Thank you for looking at this from a positive perspective, good night."

This may not seem logical but they know and can feel the intentions with these words. Emotional upset is never logical, so the best way to neutralize emotional upset is to acknowledge the core of the catalytic event and then say it's going to be ok, I'm ok now, and I choose to release it. Then your mind starts logically saying "Ok, now that I choose to do this release thing, I have to figure out how to do it, what steps to take because I the mind and egoic self is the one in charge" but it doesn't work that way. Remind yourself that all you have to do is ASK and then allow the solution to come. The only doing you are required to participate in is the BEing of love. When you change your state of being then you are a vibrational match to manifest the events that wish to create in your life. Just watch and observe (become aware) when you are offering thoughts and feelings that are more like struggle and worry which never match and cannot unlock the manifestation of what you really want to create in your life.

I wish you all the best,
with Love, L.

J.,

It sounds like she could be sick. Take her to the doctor to rule that out first. Good luck to you and I hope you get this figured out really soon!

Molly

We had the same problem we did the same as Janie here suggested, it worked great. She'll be fine, you'll be fine and if it doesn't work right away, just give it a little time. Be reassured and know that this does pass! But it is a bit bumpy to go through. Take care.