I have a 17 month old little girl that just started Mother's Day Out at our church 2 days a week. I am a stay at home mom and she has never been in any kind of day car before. She is very social...we do lots of playdates/groups and she has tons of friends so she is very socilaized. Anyway, she has been going for about 3 weeks now and is showing no improvement. She has had a couple of decent days but for the majority she cries most of the day. I am planning on trying it for a couple more weeks, but if she shows no improvement I am thinking about taking her out. Is it possible she is not ready? I also want to mention that she has 2 little friends in the class with her and those 3 are the only ones having trouble. We thought that having their friends would help, but is it possible that it is making it worse? Have I not given it enough time? Or am I forcing the poor girl to do something she is not ready for? Anybody been through this?
****She is not just crying when I drop her off. She is crying most of the day. She seems to be a little better in the afternoon, but in the morning she is crying constantly and in the afternoon she is crying off and on.
I'd say keep her at home with you and enjoy the time with her. Try MDO when's she's a bit older....soon enough, she'll be heading off to Kindergarten :)
Is she just crying at drop off or is she not settling once you leave? I think if she's just crying when you leave her, but settles down once you're gone, then there is no problem. My son is 2 and is in a Mom's Day Out and he still cries a little when I leave, but I stand outside the door and he literally stops within 30 seconds after I'm "gone". It's all a show for Mommy to tug at my heart strings. His teachers say he is laughing and talking and playing all day and he is super smiley when I pick him up, so I know he's fine when I'm not there.
If she is upset a lot throughout the day, then she just may not be ready. I would give it one or two more weeks to see if she gets used to it. Do you leave her in the nursery during church? How does she do with that? I'm sorry she's having a tough adjustment. I guess I would say that since you don't "need" to have her in school, then you shouldn't force it if she isn't ready. But, if you had to suddenly go back to work and she had to enter daycare, then she would have to get used to it eventually because you wouldn't have a choice. All kids adjust eventually, but I guess it depends on how much you want to push the issue. I hope it all works out for you.
She is only 17 months old - at that age my daughter had separation anxiety and would not have dealt well with being left somewhere either. Also at that age, they really are not playing with each other much in the way that older kids (preschool age and up) do. If she seems that distressed about it, I would say she really is not ready right now. My daughter is now 3 and is just now going to preschool 2 days a week without one of us there with her, and is doing great (she has never been in day care either). If you want to get you both out of the house some, I would look into more of a Mom-and-Tot type program where you stay with her. I did one with my DD last year when she was 2 and it was really a lot of fun. It was also in the same room at a preschool with the same teacher where she is doing preschool now, so it is already a familiar environment.
Why are you taking her? Just wondering. If it's for socialization, it's sounds like you're giving her enough of that. Don't be fooled into thinking that she needs more than you and Daddy at this age. You're her world, and that's enough.
I've never had this problem with any of my 3. They always adjusted to day care/MDO well. That being said, I wouldn't want my child miserable all day. Period. I've also taught at a preschool and seen how kids do. The majority cry when they get dropped off, and then are fine after about 5-10 minutes AND fine for the rest of the day. If she's miserable, I wouldn't keep her there if I didn't have to. I think 3 weeks is a good try. It's probably hard on the teachers and hard on the other kids to have 3 that are upset all day. Maybe the 3 of you could try a little co-op where 1 mom watches all 3 for say 2 hours one morning a week. See how they do with that and then at least you get a little time. I'd try back after Christmas if you can, or just wait until next year.
It can take them a while to adjust, but it is worthwhile to let them try. My younger daughter started preschool at 2 (so, a little bit older than your daughter), and she cried for WEEKS at drop-off. At first, she would cry pretty much all day long. I felt terrible but our nanny had just had a heart attack (!) and so was on medical leave, and we had no choice but to find some kind of alternate care arrangements for her... anyhow, although the first few weeks were super rough, she ended up being just fine with it after a while! She's now in 1st grade and has no trouble at all making friends - like anything, being independent is painful at first but is a worthwhile skill for little ones to learn!
I had success with my daughter when I took her and stayed there with her for the first & second time. While you're there, you can step out for just 5 minutes at a time, then come back. This will ease her into being in a new environment. I know it will be a pain the first couple of weeks but it may pay off in the long run. Another option is that you could leave her for just an hour at first, then gradually increase the time.
If she doesn't have to be there, then take her out. Try again next year. My son didn't start MDO until he was 4 and did very well there and in K.
I have been going through this with my 17 month old too. She goes once a week, from 9:00-2:00. In the past, she has had separation anxiety that was so bad (and she was so vocal about it) that my mother didn't want to be in a room with her, if I wasn't there (her own grandmother was intimidated by her screaming!).
She started 4 weeks ago, and screamed at drop-off, cried all day, and screamed at pick-up. I was thinking I would have to give up on it, but the staff said to give it a little longer. They were great, when my older daughter went through this, so I trust them.
I picked her up this week, and she was all smiles and everyone told me she had a GREAT day! She played, she was happy, she waved 'bye-bye' to everyone when we left... The difference was like night and day. Now, next week, she could be crying again, but she seems to be starting to like it!
Every child is different. Talking to the director is great advice. See what they have to say. Where we go, they have seen EVERYTHING, and they are ready for all temperaments. I think you should give her a little more time.
I would suggest not having it be a WHOLE day thing, unless you absolutely have to for work. Especially if she's having to do different meal and naptimes it can REALLY throw things off.
When my son was 3 we did 3 days a week, 4 hours a day. Then bumped it up to 4 days after 6mo. Then bumped it up to 4 days 6 hours a day the next year.
Seems that she is not ready. I would pull her out and try again next year. Listen to your gut.
We started taking our kids at 6 weeks to Mothers-Day-Out. It gave us the opportunity to go to Dr.s Appt.s, shopping, alone time, just time to clean and do dishes. I think that having time for your self is a good thing and not a selfish thing. If she is having a hard time I am wondering what your drop off routine is like, do you let her hang on to you and make a big deal out of it, do you just say "I love you, I'll be back in a little while" or anything like that.
I had the hardest time getting little ones to adjust to child care when the parents just hung on and would not just leave. The kids get the feeling of having control of the parent by crying and then when the parent stays "comforting" them it reinforces the crying behavior.
If you are just dropping her off and leaving then I suggest you give it some more time because she really is at the end of what is a normal time for separation anxiety. What if you had to go to work, some times things happen that are out of our control. You wouldn't have the option to stop taking her. She would eventually just have to adapt. I guess that's my point, she will adapt eventually no matter what. One day she will just not cry and go right in and be happy to be there.
If you are still having concerns after another week or two then talk to the Director, teachers at a Mothers-Day-Out program usually have no training and are not the same as a professional child care worker. Not that that is bad or anything, the MDO teachers are usually very loving and kind, caring, everything a person would want in a care giver. But since they have no formal training or classes to go to they may not be schooled in dealing with separation anxiety on the level you need. The Director should be able to help.
You might go ahead and talk to her on Monday, you could call over the weekend and leave her a message to call you and just sit down and visit with her about the situation.
I loved our Mothers-Day-Out program, we had 4 different children in it over the years and I have been very pleased with every classroom and teacher.
