This would not be so much a problem, because I know that all children go through a "cause and effect" phase; however I keep a 16 month old a few times a month and she has traumatized him, if she walks in his direction he cries. My sister in law also recently got divorced and lives with us now, with her three kids, now she hits them too, mostly on the head and she hits I & my husband too. Since she is over a year I have tried lightly smacking her hand or upper thigh and saying No, but she laughs or cries when i say it too loud and then returns to hitting. What can i do, because i know she does not understand empathy until age 3, I feel like I have raised a school yard bully, and it is my fault because I never took her to play dates.
Don't hit her- it sends a mixed message.
Instead, say "NO" in a firm voice and then immediately remove her from the situation. Each time she hits, remove her from the activity. She's a little young for time-out, but removing her from the other children will start to get the message across.
Ok, separate her with a time out when she does this...........then if your son does it back, separate him!
Take things away from them.........put them in a time out of some sort, either by sitting in a chair or going in the corner......they are young so it can't be for long, but you need to make them understand that this behavior will NOT be allowed..........if hitting them back is not doing the trick, then you either need to hit a little bit harder for them to feel it.....or you need to be very mad in your voice to let them know it was wrong. Voice is a biggie at this age...........Dogs don't understand words, but they understand a harsh voice........kids do too.........and don't let them off the hook too easily if it continues.......if you separate them for a minute and it happens again, then do two minutes.........if that doesn't work, take away play toys or something important that they are doing or using at that time.
If need be, put them in their crib for a few minutes to let them understand that this is wrong.....and if they are crying, they don't get out........
Whatever you decide to do, just make sure you are consistent with it and firm.........you'll be fine and so will they.......just trying to see what they can do and how far they can push.......and it's only just begun!! Wait for the terrible twos and the 3's..........
Good luck and take care....
Does she have sensory issues? Some children hit others or themselves when they need the deep pressure.
Very few parents have success using hitting (spanking, swatting, flicking, smacking) to stop hitting. It makes no logical sense to the child, and eventually kids comply out of pain or fear, but harbor the belief that when they are big and strong enough, they will be able to hit, too.
I don't understand who's who in your request. Is the 13mo your son or daughter? Is the 16mo your son or daughter? What's the nature of the trauma – the older child actually hitting the younger? Clarification would help.
With little to go on, I would simply have to suggest that the two children be kept apart as much as possible, perhaps with some physical barrier unless you are present to catch the hitting hand before it strikes. Both kids are too young for time outs to have much effect, but consistent, calm intervention, just stopping the action and separating the children, will at least prevent ongoing hurt.
Both of these children are too young to blame the behavior on a lack of playdates. What is probably most helpful is to be sure each has things to do that don't encroach on the other child's "territory." Kids this young play alongside each other rather than with each other.
This is normal behavior and it has nothing to do with you not taking her on play dates. I think every child does something like this. My first son bit his playmate for a long time. He is now a very sweet, caring and empathetic 4 year old who does not bite. My second son, who is almost 2, hits people all the time and he doesn't realize how hard he can hit. I think it is a phase and they will grow out of it. That being said, you still have to do something about it. I agree with the other posts that hitting his hand is not effective and sends mixed messages. Time outs are the best option at this point and you have to be consistent and give her time outs when she does it or take away a toy. . .something so she knows there are consequences to her actions.
