10 Yr Old Daughter Needs the Period Talk

I had 2 sons and I was very open and honest with them. I now have 5 granddaughters and we are the same way with them. Whoever they ask answers and passes on to the others what was asked and the answers given. I have custody of 2 of my g-girls and the same thing. Though I have found that most major questioning seems better handled when we are driving alone together. Maybe it is because we both are concentrating and not able to maintain eye contact for too long of a period of time. But I answer honestly and as much as they want to know, when the questions stop, so do I. And if I don't know, we look it up together.

Something else to take a look at is her health class textbook. If it addresses puberty and all it entails, it may give you ideas in how to phrase what you're going to say, and might include appropriate visuals to help her understand what is going on.

Definitely have the talk now because I waited too long and my 10 year old was traumatized when she started her period. She knew about periods because she heard my older daughter and I talking about it but she wasn't prepared for what it would be like. I don't think it matters what book you use just as long as it's detailed. I sat down and went through some books with my daughter after the fact but if I had done it before she would have been so much more prepared for what it would be like.

J.,
I hear you, my mom gave me a green box full of pads and told me to read a book. I have worked with teens at my church for many years and many parents feel uncomfortable talking to their children about their bodies, so you are not alone. There is a book and cd's offered by focus on the family called "Preparing for Adolescence-how to survive the coming years of change". They offer a parent guide book and CD's with 8 sessions. That way you can talk to your daughter or if you feel nervous about talking you can listen to the CD's together and then talk about the information. It covers so much and helps guide you as a parent to talk to your son or daughter about the changes that will be taking place... physically, emotionally, socially, and it covers their struggle for independence. They suggest that you take your child on a weekend trip, listen to the cd's and have open dialogue with your child. You should also plan something fun to do, like a special spa weekend, go to the American girls doll store in Chicago (if your daughter is into that), or whatever she thinks would be fun. Oh, one more resource for you... Dr. Kevin Leman has material out called "Running the rapids- guiding teenagers through the turbulent waters of adolescence" I have not read this one but I have read "A chicken’s guide to talking turkey to your kids about sex" by Dr. Kevin Leman and that is a really good one! When your daughter is a few years older I recommend a book called "And the bride wore white" By Dannah Gresh. This is also great material to talk with your daughter about purity, not just sexually but purity in all areas of her life. I hope this is helpful. R.'

The American Girl Book, The Care and Keeping of You is awesome!

there are so many books out there to help in talking to your step daughter. I found a really neat one, you can get it at any bookstore that sells new books and its only like 12 dollars, its called "My body, Myself" and she can even write it in it her own thoughts (I think there may be another one to go with it more like a journal? also 12 dollars), but my neice who is 11 really enjoyed it so i recommend that one.

Hi J.,

If your daughter is in this school system, she will be viewing these videos in 4th/5th grade. In 4th grade the kids see their own gender video, 5th grade is combined. I used it at home to show my daughter before they showed it at school to answer any questions she may have before then.

Always Changing Video Series

Boys 4th grade- http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=57714028695208145...

Girls 4th grade- http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2798485691469897...

Co-Ed 5th Grade- http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4270782222131894245

Hi J.. I don't have any good book ideas, but when our now two year old was born, my hubby had the talk with his son. I breastfed our baby, so that was our opening with the children. Prior to our baby's birth our son was always big on breast, he would stare at them and it got bad at times. Once he found out what God gave them to us for, he thought it was 'gross'. I don't know if that helps at all, but that was our opening. Best of luck!

Hi J.! I can relate to you about your mom having the "talk" with you. My mother didn't have one with me either. She conveniently left a pamphlet out where I would find it that talked about females starting menestration. I thought I was doing something sneaky when I found it and read it! I now realize that she did this on purpose. Later on she came and showed me how to use a Kotex, but didn't explain anything any further. So you aren't alone. There are of people out there who's parents for whatever reason felt like they couldn't talk to them about such things. I think it's great that you feel comfortable enough to want to talk openly about this with your stepdaughter about such things. I don't know any specific books to tell you to read, but I know there are a lot of good books on the subject out there. You can ask at your pediatrician's office. I'm sure they have resources or know where you can find good ones. You can also check your local library. I'm sure they have books, tapes, cd's, dvd's what have you on the subject. You always ask the librarian if they recommend any particular resouce over the others. Then you can just look for an opening for the two of you to have the "talk". I hope some of this helps. Best wishes!!

Thanks for all the great advice! I have a follow up question - When do you all think is the best age to have this talk? when they start developing? 10?

I think any time you can stream the "talk" into a casual conversation and not present it with a "we need to talk", which may make her nervous. You might want to include in the conversation something along the lines of "what do you know?" or "what kinds of things have you heard from your friends?" She may already know quite a bit and/or have misinformation that you will need to clear up. Also, she may have seen a movie or had a discussion in class already.

It will be a little embarrassing, but just try to be as clear as possible. I tried to be sort of medical at first. Explain what happens to her body and what to expect. You don't want her to start bleeding somewhere and get scared. I also got a couple of products she'll use and showed them to her and explained how to use them. It might be best to take her someplace private..maybe go get lunch and then go to a park or something where no one else can overhear, etc. and she can ask questions if needed. She probably won't at first, but she may come back later if you are open with her now.

If you have some kind of medical book or a picture of the uterus to show, that helps. But, you won't have to. Mostly, I just tried to use language she'd understand. I applaud you for being open with her and not letting her just find out on her own, or from her girlfriends. Sometimes they get weird ideas about what's really happening.

Good luck!!

I LOVE American Girl's book called "The Care and Keeping of Me." It explains EVERYTHING about puberty from hair care to how to use feminine hygine products. I gave it to my daughter when she was 9 and we discussed basic hygine (hair, body) and touched on puberty issues. Then I told her that anytime she has a question, to ask me and we could discuss it. I have refered to the book many times myself for how to explain things to my daughter. It's a great conversation starter and a great way for her to feel safe coming to you with her questions.

Best of luck,

C.

I was a little older when my mom had the talk with me, but one day she decided we were going shopping, just us, and amongest it all we stopped and got training bras, a razor and deoderant, getting to shave was so cool that shopping for underwear with my mom was much less embarrassing, and when we got in the car she was like you know what this all means right? and it just went on from there.

you're going to be surprised at what she already knows, and how much of it is probally wrong, but kids talk, and the schools teach a LOT now days.

best of luck

I just recently had this talk with my 8 almost 9 year old who is also developing. She asked about babies and how they come about so instead of sugar coating anything, I laid it all on the line and brought up periods at that time. I was not sure how to approach it at first but once we started talking, she started asking more questions. We had a great conversation. The most important thing you have to remember is that if you do not have the talk with her someone else will and the advice given may not be honest. I used proper names for everything and showed her pictures of the female parts on the web to explain how things change from month to month. She seemed thankful that I was able to talk to her and explain these things.

My niece has a book called "all about you" I believe. It has 3 girls on the front, one has a towel on her head, the others are dressed in regular clothes. Her mom got it at Kroger's in their book section.
I'll try to find out the actual title and e-mail you again.
R.

There are several books you can check out at the library that talk about all of the body changes and such. I have gotten my step-daughter a couple of them and have read through them with her and asked if she understood what they were talking about or if she had any questions. She is 10 as well, and it's kind of a weird thing for me since I'm not her biological Mom, but somebody needs to do it and I wish my mom had done it with me. You can find the books in the "Teen" section and they have a wide variaty of MANY other subjects that your kids should learn about from home, not peers or TV. Good luck. I hope you find what you are looking for.

I think (I'm 56 now) my mom took me shopping and bought me a couple of training bras and a couple of other new clothes items and when we got home dad asked what we had bought. I showed him the clothing and then he and mom sat down with me and talked about sex with me together over a soda. I was never embarassed to go to either one of them with questions.
My daughter started to develope the summer before third grade, hair in the pits, the whole thing. My husband and I sat down with her together and talked to her about it over and sundae when my son was out playing with the neighbor kids. She could go to either of us and we did the same thing with my son. Just pick a time when the three of you can sit down and have a snack or treat together and say something like:
I know this may be a little uncomfortable for you, but you are turning into a young lady now and we think it is time to talk to you about the changes you are going to experience emotionally and physically.

Hi J., my sister recently had this talk with her daughter, along with the birds and the bees. She highly recommends the book and video series by American Girl. She said it was very helpful to watch the video with my niece and then discuss it after. She also had my niece read the books and ask any questions she might have. She said it went very well. Best of luck to you and give yourself a pat on the back for stepping up and being a great parent!

I never had a talk with my mom because we started health/sex-ed classes in fourth grade and went over that kind of stuff. I think if you sit her down and explain what she will go through, emotionally and physically, offer to take her to buy a few bras (get her professionally fitted, please!!! - 8/10 women wear the wrong size). When she does get her period, go out just the two of you for a nice bonding "We Are Women..." dinner or something.

There are a lot of good books. We got the American Girl book for our oldest to read. My mom drew diagrams for me of ovaries, womb etc. so i could see... we also got an anatomy book out to show our daughter what these organs look like... it was more of a ... here is what is happening, here is what you might notice, don;t freak out... its fine okay and normal.... this is why we need to talk about sex and what our famalies expectations are for you....with out too much detail. My daughter at the age of ten was told by another girl some serious detail her mom told her about sex. We were quite upset.. of course this mom also teaches her daughter how to do a strip tease...but anyway... we also spokje to our daughter about keeping our conversation private because not all kids are ready for the talk and you need to respect that as well. I also have shown her how to use a pad and purchased them for her. She keeps a few in her book bag and the rest in her bathroom just in case.

I just went throught the exact same thing. I have a soon to be 10 year old stepdaughter and I had the talk with her about a month ago. Every one always recommends the American Girl, The Care and Keeping of You. I got her that one plus Before You Were Born. It's in a set called God's Design For Sex. The American Girl book teaches them how to care for their changing body and touches on periods but not sex. So that is why I got the other book also because it explains sex in a Christian way. It does emphasis marriage first. Not sure if your hubby and his ex were married or not, but my hubby was not married to his daughter's mom and her mom has 3 kids by 3 fathers and she is not with any of the fathers. This was the hard part for me. The book explained that God planned for her but he wants a man and woman to be married first to build a strong family. Our talk went great, not embarrasing at all. Good luck and fee free to email me with any questions.

There is a wonderful American Girl book called "The Care & Keeping of YOU", The Body Book for Girls. I bought this for my girls when my oldest was in 4th grade (about age 10 also). It tells about how to take care of your body and there is a specific section called "Big Changes" that refers to periods, pubic hair, tampons (even how to insert one). The illustrations are kid friendly though, not graphic like a medical book. I sat down with my daughters and went through the book together, page by page. We talked about each section and they asked lots of questions. I approached it by telling them I bought a book that I'd like to look through with them that tells about taking care of your body and they were very receptive. It helps to talk with them early (like you're doing) before they hear wrong information from friends and the dreaded bus ride with girls and boys together. I have very open communication with both of my girls, they are 13 and almost 12. We talk about everything: friendship, dating, sex, etc. I told them they shouldn't be afraid to ask or tell me anything. We have also watched "The American Teenager" TV series together and we went to see "Juno" together (that was a little uncomfortable). I don't recommend those movies/shows until your daughter is a little older. Good luck with everything, you have really good "mom instincts" for wanting to talk with your daughter early and getting her the right information and to be comfortable with her body changes. God Bless!

I have a very open relationship with my daughter and since we lived on a farm with numerous animals I found it easy to answer all her questions honestly. I would tell her this information was only for her and she was not to share it with her friends (as I did not know what their moms would want them to be exposed to). We are not looking forward to the period but will be ready when it comes. I never want her to be afraid as I was due to a lack of knowledge. So I feel when they ask, tell them the truth in simple terms.

Hi J.,
I agree w/ your other responses regarding the American Girl book-very thorough and straightforward. My Megan will be 10 in Oct. I've always been open w/ her, even as a toddler when she'd ask about the pads and such in the grocery cart, and gave her the time when she'd ask "what's a period, what's it for?" It was really neat when she was six and I was preg w/ our twins so I got to explain that I wasn't having periods b/c my body was busy nourishing the babies.

Despite the discomfort, we owe our daughters the time to teach the "other stuff" before they learn it elsewhere and that even includes the school system. Ask what they teach at school and if it doesn't measure up to your moral code, you have the right to take her out and teach her yourself. I have friends who are advocates for abstinence education, and I was shocked to say the least what some schools teach our children in the name of "safe sex" which is now called "safer sex" because outside of marriage there is no such thing as safe sex.

I also took my daughter to a tea lead by a pro-life pregnancy support center, where the girls and moms separated and had their own discussions. This is where I was "enlightened" as to what happens as early as FOURTH GRADE, and my daughter learned from other caring women besides her mom that her body is to be respected by herself and others.

I typed a lot, but the statistics are scary, our girls are precious and "the talk" goes far beyond periods!

Blessings,
K. OH

Hello! i have been in the same situation. Noticing all the body changes, and the Hormones going up and down, and i sometimes wonder how to deal with it, My Daughter is almost 11, and i have let her know of somethings, and she tells me ; i already know that mum, they told me at school, in Puberty classes. E.

she needs to hear it from you. not just periods, but sex too. i believe that is part of a parent's responsibility.

i think it would be sad if she had to learn how to care for her periods and what sex is from her friends, or a schoolteacher. if you don't teach her about sex, then maybe her first boyfriend will. and he won't have the same perspective as you!........ it's important that she learns NOW about this stuff because kids these days are experimenting when they are very young. (middle school!) peer pressure is much less powerful when they have already made a decision about what they will or will not do.

so find a quiet time (without dad, siblings around) when you can talk about it. maybe a simple reproductive anatomy book could help. (sounds like lots of good books were recommended.)

I noticed that you've said stepdaughter. I would first talk to her mother about talking to her, that is really "her job" before it would be yours, unless there is no mother in the picture that is.