10 Year Old Won't Go in the Toilet

Wow! you've listed several possible medical and emotional issues for him not pooping in the toilet. It's good that you are working on finding out if there is a medical reason. If there is not a known medical reason try just being neutral about the whole thing. No rewards and no punishment. You said you think it could be a power issue. So let go of the power. Give him all the power he wants and needs. Leave it up to him when he's going to poop and what he's going to do about it. If he poops in his pants, difficult as it might be, ignore him unless he asks for help. At 10 he can clean himself up. At the same time reassure him that you know he can handle this; that you're there to help him if he asks but otherwise you trust him to take care of it.

My step-son frequently stopped up the toilet with his poop when he was 11 or so. He found himself a stick and broke the poop up for himself. He didn't want anyone to know that he caused the toilet to over run. You could give your son a stick and suggest that he could take care of this himself, too.

Another possibility that may be a part of this is your son has learned that this is a way to get attention. Find ways to be with him doing fun things. Don't bring up the poop issue.

If there's no known medical cause and if you withdrawing your attention over the issue doesn't work, consider seeing an emotional therapist. There may be emotional issues related to his surgery or other stresses that are showing themselves in this way. A therapist will know how to get to those issues.

I say "no known medical" reason because I've found that sometimes there is a medical reason but doctors have not found it yet.

Compassion is the most important part of resolving this issue. It's difficult for you too just in a different way than it is for your son. You both need compassion from each other, for yourselves, and from others.

Oh, I just wanted to cry when I read your request for help. I got on Mamasource in your area by accident when I was playing around with my profile and then came across your post. I just responded to a Mom today in my area (So. Cal) with the same problem with her 5 year old. Anyway, I am pasting what I typed to her. Please feel free to email me at ____@____.com if you have any questions. Your son needs help from a specialist at this point and he will get better. Not only is this condition very common - it is more common in boys. The condition is Encopresis (if you don't have a Dr. that will treat you for it (so often they write off these symptoms to constipation only) then see a GI specialist - ASAP! OK, here is my post from today:
Yes!! We had this problem. I've posted on the subject many times so feel free to click on my name and check through my posts, however, there are a lot
O-:

My daughter is 5 as well and went through this for about 2.5 years of her life. We too went to childrens (waste of time). That is another story.

I can say with complete confidence that your daughter has Encopresis. There is nothing you can do to talk her in to going poop on the toilet. Occasionally she'll have a toilet plugging blow out, other than that, she'll just give you squirts. Her poop is becoming impacted and only the liquid can get by. She needs to be emptied out and then given something to help her go daily. Diet/water are very important but won't get the poop out. Continue to make sure she is drinking plenty of water and eating whole grain foods, veggies, fruits, flax oil, etc.. no processed stuff. Get her eating great, (if she isn't already) that way, once you have her emptied and on the path of pooping daily, she won't have any set backs. It is very easy even once being emptied and pooping daily to become impacted again. It will also take her colon 3-6 months to get back to normal - it gets stretched out when they hold it and become impacted.

What we had to do, on the advice of a Pediatric specialist was the following: (this if FYI only - I am not a Dr., so please OK this through your Dr. first). Our Dr. called this the 5 day cleanout. For 5 days my daughter got an enema one day, suppository the next (not as bad as you would think, especially at this age where they understand you are trying to make the feel better). She got a 1/2 scoop of Miralax in water/juice every day and at night before bed, 2 tablespoons of mineral oil in a drink before bed. On about day 5, my daughter started pooping on her own in the toilet. We did this in Dec. 07 and she has been fine ever since. I NEVER thought we'd be here. After the 5 days were up, the Dr. told us to continue with the 1/2 scoop of Miralax until further notice. I haven't been back to see the Dr., but I no longer give it to her daily. She gets it when I think of it, maybe once every week or two weeks.

What your daughter is going through technically isn't constipation. This is where I think these kids get misdiagnosed so often and end up having issues for years. What your daughter has is very common. Get help now. My daughter was a new kid once we got this under control.

Feel free to email me if you have any questions. The specialist we saw is in Murrieta.
M.
____@____.com

If it's in your budget you might want to look into a new toilet. We have older toilets that tend to stop up easily. We went to Home Depot where a helpful couple directed us to the Kohler Cimmaron. They said they have three teenage boys and it never plugs. We got one and it is awesome! They are a little spendy - around $250. If that isn't feasible the stick thing is a good idea or some other way to break up the poop. Or perhaps he could flush when he is halfway through. We had very fussy plumbing as a kid and I remember holding it as long as I could because the toilets always got stopped up. Good luck!

Have you tried taking him off gluten?

maybe you could teach him about a courtesy flush.

F.,

I had the problem with my 4 1/2 year old that we finally have had potty trained for about a month now. His problem was that there were monsters in the toilet that tried to get him/his poop whenever he sat down. We let him start squatting on the seat and that was the end of that issue. Your son is a little older, but still try and have a conversation with him and see if there is a similar problem.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

If your doctor seems stumped...or even if he doesn't, you might ask for a referal to a gastroenterologist. My son (3 1/2) had a problem with constipation then had bloody diareah. Turns out the problem was still constipation. Because of the severity of the problem, the gastroenterologist had me give him SEVERAL enemas and put him on a laxative called miralax for about 2 months. It was GROSS at first, but the idea was to retrain the colon. It could be that after your sons surgery (or any other time for that matter) your son found it painful to poop and simply taught himself to restrict the bowel movements to make minimal pain while pooping. Once something like that is trained, especially in a child learning to use the toilet, it can be very difficult to undo. A gasteroenterologist may be just what you need. I am glad I took my son in even if it was a pain to deal with.