my 10 year old son has me at my wits end. he simply doesnt do his homework consistently. he has ADD and is on medication and from everything his teacher and i see he is fine on that front. he does his homework just fine for a week or so and then he just stops. i ask him every night if he has homework and he either just flat out says no or tells me he finished in study hall. they are required to fill out their assignment notebook every day and get it signed and he always writes done next to his assignments. i have tried everything i can think of and it only works for a short amount of time. even his teacher doesnt know what else to do with him. she is out of suggestions for what to do with him. when she called me today she says he just flat out doesnt bother to finish. if there are 18 problems he does 16 and calls it good enough. he turns in papers with the entire back not touched because he just doesnt feel like it. when i try to talk to him about it thats even what he says "i just dont feel like it". he has always been difficult to get to do things. how am i supposed to get him to do his homework ALL the time? i seriously get calls from his teacher once a month
He actually opened up at bedtime tonight and told me that a boy he has had trouble with in the past is bullying him. He has been very moody lately and has been backtalking quite a bit which is unusual for him. When he sat down and opened up it's pretty easy to see how much this kid is bothering him. I am planning to call the principal tomorrow as talking to the boy's mother got me absolutely nowhere except for her bad-mouthing me in front of her child and giving him something else to taunt my son with. i.e. my mom hates your mom and thinks she's a b****. i hate her too and my mom says she doesn't like you either. (i know how wonderful!) as far as the homework goes i am going to take some advice i got here and have his teacher check his assignment notebook before he leaves school every day and have him start bringing home all homework even the complete stuff. of course the only problem here is that in some subjects they are allowed to work ahead and turn things in as soon as they finish them even if it is 3 weeks ahead of schedule which could make it difficult to keep track. i am also going to talk to her about keeping him in from recess if he doesn't do his homework. if she wants to give credit or partial credit or no credit i will leave up to her. taking things away at home just doesn't have an affect so i thought maybe if he is kept in from recess to complete the work it might spur him into getting his work done on time. as far as if he is learning the material he really isn't all that well. after he hasn't done his work he really struggles with the material. he is a smart kid he just really doesn't apply himself and i'm afraid that if he keeps going this way as he gets older and homework becomes more imperative it will be more of a struggle for him. but anywho there is a plan of action now and i will be dealing with the school over the bully. this kid has gone pretty far past the line for me and i have no intention of allowing him to spend another 7 years being tormented the way i was. thank you all for your input you gave me some good ideas
Let him suffer the consequences. When he realizes he may have to repeat the grade, his attitude may change. I would not even ask anymore. He is old enough to know what needs to be done. Tough love does work.
Ask to see the assignments. Don't sign unless you actually review them. If he doesn't do it in school, regardless of whether or not the teacher gives him any credit for the additional work, have him finish at home. If there is an online resource for you (Edline or similar), use it. Find out what's due and when and what he got on his tests, in real time.
And if he says "I just don't feel like it" then I'd find out if there's something else going on. Might he be depressed? Have an undiagnosed learning issue?
Kids can be maddening. My niece won a writing contest and nearly did not graduate because she - get this - didn't turn in her English homework. Her mom was livid, to say the least.
When my SS, who is a master procrastinator, didn't do his HW on time or turn it in, we would take all the cables from his game system for a while.
for me this would be common sense. I would be checking every single assignment every night and check them off for him in his notebook until he can prove that he can do this himself and take the responsibility.
With my son the teacher would initial next to each assignment write in any he missed and then sign the bottom of the page. I would then check each day that those assignments were done and I would sign the book. It went back and forth. Homework done but not turned in gets the same consequence as not done. A pain in the butt for all but it worked. And on your end.... assignment not complete and turned in "sorry no tv, sorry no video game, sorry no computer" the cause and effect need to be very very clearly understood and you have to follow through. Add and adhd kids are 99% of the time of the charts intelligent they just lack the organizational skills. Set up a regular time and space for homework with no outside distractions. Just consistently do it and it will work.
Uh... check and see that its done? Require him to bring all work home, finished or not. Do you punish him for not doing it AND for lying?
Before you sign those assignment notebooks, I would CHECK the homework. Not for right answers, but to make sure he's done SOMETHING even if it's wrong.
Implement "study time" and download or make up some school work of your own. If he says he's done with his homework, hand him one of your worksheets and tell him he has study time EVERY DAY from x time to x time. If he doesn't have actual homework, you will supply him with work. That way there is no upside to saying he's done; he's going to be working anyway.
If he doesn't finish assignments in school, he would be finishing them at home over the weekend. If he were my son, he probably wouldn't mind because he'd be spending the weekend in his room anyway.
The lesson is - business before pleasure. If you don't take care of business, there is no pleasure.
I didn't do my homework for 2 years in 4th and fifth grade. Watch Supernanny The Goins Family and the son Khalin has ADHD and supernanny did a homework strategy with him. My teachers harassed my mom (don't have ADHD).
I agree that if he isn't failing then go with it. The motivation ultimately has to come from him. He also might be getting too much negative attention for not doing his work; and/or gaining control by not doing what you want him to do.
One of my kids was the stubborn type, and I can tell you from experience that you won't win.
You might try a reward system, but ultimately with the stubborn types you just have to let it go, until they decide it's worth it to them.
I just saw this doctor on t.v. recently DRDAVESTEIN.COM and I thought his approach to ADD was interesting in would rather educate as oppose to medicate children. He has some books out for which I haven't read, but IF I had a child with ADD, I think I would find them useful. I really enjoyed hearing him talk in that I think western medicine's approach to ADD and or other ailments such as depression tend to be misdiagnosed and overly medicated.. Check him and out see what you think.. maybe his books might be helpful..
good luck
Have the teacher email you the assignment list. maybe that will help.
In our school, they are required to write down their assignment then the teacher looks at each book to make sure it's written down.
if his book says "done" ask to see the work.
If he's done 16 and he's supposed to do 18. Then tell him "well how many are there on the page?' "18' ' how many did you do?" '16" well that's less than 18 right?" " yes" " then it's not done"
I would equate the "done" to lying. And it would be punished like lying.
When he responds with I don't feel like it , I would respond with the same thing when he asks you to do something or asks you for something.
mom can I have a popsicle , " no" why " because I don't feel like it.
Mom can you take me to the park " no" " I don't feel like it"
etc.
yes I am that mean .
ETA: no there isn't any evidence that homework is helpful but he still needs to learn when the teacher tells him to do something he needs to do it.
You can walk a horse to water but you can't make them drink it.
My daughter was the same way but I choose not to make every battle into WW II because otherwise she was such a great kid. She was respectful towards teacher, kind to classmates, " a pleasure to have in class" etc.
This year she started high school and has received distinguished honors on her report card😀. I asked her what changed and she said that she really just didn't care before but now she sees the value of doing well since her class ranking and grades will effect the college she goes to.
FYI...It is still a challenge to get her to clean her room.
Sounds like his homework needs to come home in a folder everyday and you look over it. Tell him even if it's done in study hall it must come home. It also sounds like grounding and a possible butt wooping is in order. My oldest has tried at and we have grounded and spanked him. He's doing much better latly. If there are consequinces that he really does not like he will eventurlly learn. But you must stay consistant.
I would suggest meeting with his teacher and trying this out....
It is good that he is filling out his assignment book, but maybe the teacher needs to VERIFY that the assignment is done, and sign off then...... if the teacher hasn't signed off that the assignment is COMPLETED, then he doesn't get the privilege of his computer, or gaming system, or whatever he values..... (you may have to work hard to figure out that point, though.)
If he isn't failing then go with it. He isn't an academic type. Or else he is bored silly and needs a more challenging environment.
If he is failing then start working out a natural consequence. If he does not turn in homework will the teacher be willing to keep him after school to get it done? Or have him come in early the next morning? You have a chance of him not wanting to stay after school or get up early every day. It might motivate him to do it. Obviously grades are not a motivator.
Is he learning the classroom material? If he is, I would drop the entire homework issue with him. There is no evidence whatsoever that homework in elementary and middle school has any benefits for children. I would speak with his teacher (armed with the research that supports this, is easy to find) and enlist her help in keeping him enthusiastic about school.
My son is in first grade but he decided that he does not want to do the monthly selection of nine word assignments (difficult to describe the assignment but he is supposed to do three word projects each week using his weekly spelling list). He came to me with the arguments that he already knows the words he is supposed to be learning, can already use and spell them and that the work takes time away from outside play and family time. All actually true things. So I emailed his teacher and told her that DS had decided he was not going to do the assignments and that I supported his decision. I asked her if it was going to be an issue. The email I got back - 'that is just fine, it is always an option not to do them'. Since it seems like you are not going to get the homework done and there is no demonstrable benefit to it, you might as well give it a shot.
